New Mommy

It is official. I am a new Mommy. I didn’t really want to become a new Mommy, but it was a change that had to be made.

I am now a Working Mom.

My first day back at work went well. Cameron and Mommy both got through the day with minimal tears. I kept my cool while dropping off a crying baby at daycare. I walked into work with my head held high. I genuinely smiled and chatted with co-workers. I got work done. But as the day progressed I felt anxiety increasing in my belly. I needed to know that my baby was okay. I needed to be with him. I needed to wrap my arms around him and kiss his little tummy and hear that precious giggle.

So, I called the daycare and I got on with my day. I held my head high. I genuinely smiled and chatted with co-workers. I got work done. I was surprised at how fine I was.

When I finally got home, I reached out and grabbed my son. It was amazing to hold him. I had an hour and a half before his bed and I tried to make the most of my time with him.

But I was surprised at how I felt. I was right there with Cameron, hugging him and making him laugh, yet I missed him so much! I missed the full days I was used to spending with him. I missed snuggling with him before a nap. I missed playing with him and I missed comforting the tears. I was grieving our lost day.

And then, I started to feel worse.

After getting Cameron off to bed, I looked around the house. My apartment that I have been trying so hard to keep clean(ish) and livable looked like a tornado had struck. The dishwasher needed to be unloaded. Dirty dishes covered every surface of the kitchen. The kitchen table was overflowing with clutter. The living room was a minefield of toys.

I used to be able to keep it relatively clean… but that was when I was at home all day.

And now, I am overwhelmed! I have no idea how I am going to be able to manage my time. I only finished one day of work, and I’m already feeling like a failure as a mother and a wife.

It is a process. I know it is a process. And I’ll keep at it and I’ll try to remain strong and positive. I’ll try to keep my cool and I’ll try to hold my head up. I will try to smile genuine smiles. And I’ll try not to get too overwhelmed.

But this is tough.

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After all of this has been said, I wanted to say thank you! There have been a lot of new blog readers lately and a lot of awesome bloggers featuring me. Seriously, I am so humbled! And it is all happening at the one time that I have no extra time for networking. I want to reply to every comment and I want to personally thank every blogger and tweep who has featured me. But I am right now trying to figure out how to juggle everything on my plate. Just know that I appreciate every little bit of bloggy love you give! Thank you thank you thank you!

Please bear with me as I am figuring out how to not be so overwhelmed with life. The number of blog posts might decrease slightly but stick with me. My readers are so awesome and I am so grateful for each one of you.

Thank you for all of your kind words and support. They are helping me through this transition to become a new type of Mommy.