Today was the day.
I woke up to an alarm for the first time in months. Despite my propensity to wake up at any given hour with the baby, waking up to an alarm made me cranky. (How am I going to survive my first week back to work?!). Thankfully, I had showered the night before. I got out of bed, sprayed some grump onto any and all innocent bystanders (the husband), got dressed and picked out clothes for the baby.
Of course, getting the baby up, ready, and fed took longer than I expected so I was rushing out the door five minutes before we had to be there. We got in the car, drove off, and then did a complete 180 when I realized I left the cheque in the house.
Finally, we tore into the driveway 15 minutes late. I unbuckled the bub, grabbed his bag and speed-walked through the door.
To daycare.
This was it. This was the moment that I’ve been dreading. This was where I hand over my baby to be raised by someone else. This was where I discarded the title of Moderately Good Parent that I’ve been sporting proudly for a year and donned the new title of Terrible, Absent Parent. This was where I give someone else full permission to hear the word “Mama” from my child’s lips for the first time. This was where reality hit.
So I left him.
And I went grocery shopping.
Alone. For the first time in almost a year. And I only spent $103.99.
When I picked him up an hour later, Cameron had a runny nose and a tear in his eye. He wasn’t having a melt down but he was clearly distressed. According to the daycare provider, it had been a good first day, considering. Cam was a little shy and wary of the other kids. He had spent most of the hour wanting to be in the daycare provider’s arms but then wanting down after realizing what he really wanted was Mama’s arms.
As I put his coat on, Cameron stuck to me. He leaned against me. He refused to let me go. He refused to be let go of.
Tomorrow, we go for two hours. Tomorrow I will take off his coat and let him go again. Tomorrow I will try to keep myself occupied while he’s gone. Tomorrow will be hard. Maybe harder. Tomorrow, we will survive… if only barely.
But Cameron, Mommy loves you. And I will never let you go.
Bless your heart! And Cameron's! Keen never went to daycare or even Mother's Day Out so when it cam time for PreK, I basically freaked out. I was so proud of myself for not crying on his first day, though I wanted to and thought I would. We begin to walk out and I was giving myself a pat on the back & his sister began to realize her big brother was not coming with us. Once we got to the door she was crying and calling his name. Then I started to cry. I think she and I sat in the parking lot and cried for a good half an hour before I could pull it together to drive us home. Praying for ya, girl.
Silly auto correct. KEEGAN, not Keen. Sheesh!
Awwws!! I worked in the day care system as an Early Childhood Educator for 6 years… and I saw many situations as yours and took an active roll in the transition process. Both the baby and the mother/father experiencing seperation anxiety. Just know that it is completely normal!
Gradually introducing Cameron into the day care is always the best way! … not many parents do that from my experience. It takes time… for him and for you.
The advice I always gave parents was to be supportive during the drop off, and make it quickly so the child can adjust easier/quicker in their new environment and with their care giver. As well, it is easier on the other children in the center and staff.
It all takes time. I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you!
Take care
:-)
I dread having to take Noah to Preschool in the next moth or so….I'm going to totally and completely lose it. LOL :( They grow up so fast! I'll be praying for you love! I know how hard it must be!
I don't have a baby, but I am the baby of a working mother. My mom was a single mom with two girls. My Dad was a miserable alcoholic and it was a tough decision for my mom to leave him when I was 3. Some days she would work up to 14 hours and my sister and I would go from daycare to Grampy's house and then finally be picked by mom late at night. If it makes you feel any better, I respect and love my mom more than anything. She worked so hard so we could be in figure skating, go on vacations, and have the new clothes the we just "needed". My mom was/is a great mom. I learned to do a lot of things on my own early because she was working hard to provide for us. I learned to cook and do laundry when I was 8. I made lots of friends in daycare and got to have a really close relationship with my grandfather. You're working now too so Cameron can maybe be in hockey or any other sport he wants when he's older. You're working to feed and clothe him. You're working to be good role model. You're working to save for his future school. Don't feel guilty about sending him to daycare. You're just looking out for the little guy's future! Maybe I feel completely different when I have a little one to love but for now I think you should be very proud of yourself! Go Laura!
*hi from montreal*
this totally speaks to me. my son’s first day at daycare is coming up in less than a month. i’m dreading it. i feel so so so bad about letting him be raised by a stranger whilst i go back to work. i don’t want to be a “bad, absent parent”. i wish society was different. i hope we survive too!
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