The Right Time

Dan has been telling me that I should run for office for years now. While I love watching the political system, I have never considered myself the right person for the job, for a number of reasons. Especially right now, my role as a young working mother persuades me to think that it is not the right time to step out into my community. My leadership calling right now is in my home.

“[W]omen don’t apply to be judges because they fear the job will take them away from their children — and that children need their mothers more than their fathers, the Star report said.” – Justice Minister Peter MacKay defends suggestion women are too busy with their kids to be judges, National Post

When Dan found out about the 2014 Nova Scotia Campaign School for Women, he immediately thought about me. He excitedly told me about what an incredible experience it would be and that I shouldn’t let this opportunity go. I was entirely sure that now wasn’t the right time for me to participate in this. I’m in a stage of life where my family demands a lot from me and I’m in a period of health where my body is already overworked and extra tired. Over the past few years, I’ve learned how healthy it is to say “no” while embracing the fact that seasons will pass and life might eventually get easier. So I tried to say “No” to my husband’s constant encouragement. Still, he convinced me to sign up. I could always back out later. As the weekend drew nearer, I became more and more convinced that I should graciously bow out, hoping that another Campaign School would be in my future. My husband told me that he would support whatever decision I made, but he also didn’t want to see this opportunity pass me by.

It is easy to say no to my husband. He’s an ideas-guy and he is constantly coming up with new plans and schemes. He wants me to do great things and he pushes me to excel, but I know that I can only run with a few of his grand ideas. So, I’ve gotten used to saying “No” to the love of my life. We’re comfortable with each other like that.

“We hold ourselves back in ways both big and small, by lacking self-confidence, by not raising our hands, and by pulling back when we should be leaning in.” – Sheryl Sandberg

When I turned to friends to solidify my decision, I was sure they would encourage me to spend a restful weekend at home instead of a full and exhausting weekend in a place where I would know nobody. Moms need to have each other’s backs, reminding each other to take breaks when they can get them, right? But to my shock, each and every woman I turned to told me to do it. They told me that this was something I would be great at. They told me that I should not let this opportunity pass me by. They told me to embrace the chance to network and get as much out of it as I could.

My friends are not as easy to say no to.

“The time is long overdue to encourage more women to dream the possible dream.” – Sheryl Sandberg

So despite being certain that I was not the right person to attend this weekend and that even if I were the right person, it was not the right time for me to attend, I took my nervous bladder and my belly full of anxiety, and I timidly found my way to Campaign School on a Friday after work.

When Dan and my sleepy boys picked me up on that first evening at 9:30pm, I took it all back. I took back all of those “No”s. I took back the assertion that I was not the right person and that it wasn’t the right time. I was inspired. I was excited to be there.

As each influential, inspiring woman stood up to talk with us about women in leadership, a switch flipped in me. I realized that my feelings of inadequacy and low self-confidence are not unique. These feelings do not remove us from consideration or make women less than adequate for a leadership position. There are incredible women in politics, like the Honourable Kelly Regan, who initially turned down offers to run because they did not consider themselves right for the job. There are inspiring women in politics, like MP Megan Leslie, who are shy and introverted. These descriptors we claim to count ourselves out are not valid.

It’s our right as women to be involved and engaged in politics but it is also our responsibility, says @JenniferHalifax #NSVotesWomen

— Laura O’Rourke (@LauraORourke) June 14, 2014

Our society and our political systems push (white) men forward while they keep women and other marginalized groups down. Why is it that women politicians with children are asked how they balance their roles while politicians who are fathers are never asked this? I remembered a male politician I knew growing up. He had three young children when he decided to run for mayor. Why was that role an option for him when so many women put off seeking these offices because of their young children at home?

White men are making decisions on behalf on a diverse populations across the globe, whose realities are different than theirs. #NSVotesWomen — Laura O’Rourke (@LauraORourke) June 15, 2014

I began wondering what is wrong with this picture. Families raising children are an important part of our societies. Is it a problem that women avoid taking on important roles in society because they are mothers or is it a problem that few men consider their fatherhood roles when taking on these roles? (The answer, I think, is both).

“As women must be more empowered at work, men must be more empowered at home.” – Sheryl Sandberg

When Peter MacKay brushed off the question about the lack of judicial diversity in Canada by saying that women don’t apply to be judges because children need their mothers more than they need their fathers, he not only gave credence to this dominant myth in our society, he also failed to recognize that this means the system is broken. Unfortunately, it is mostly men who have the power to change these systems, and they are blind to the problems, as was completely evident by Minister MacKay’s naive comment. All of society should want their political systems to be representative of society. It isn’t a slight against men to say that they can’t possibly champion things that are important to women to the same degree that women can. Women experience life differently, as do other diverse groups of people. Our political system will be better and stronger when it starts looking less like an Old Boys Club and more like a microcosm of the society we live in. Our systems of power will run smoother when we move away from only seeing power in male-dominated traits and start elevating important female-dominated traits that are currently seen as weaknesses.

“If you can’t talk about it, you can’t change it.” We need to be at the table to talk about issues that are important to us. #NSVotesWomen — Laura O’Rourke (@LauraORourke) June 15, 2014

We have to remember that there is never one right person for any given job. There are a multitude of people who can excel at a job for any number of reasons. But men have an easier time achieving positions of power because of how these systems are set up. Every woman who spoke at Campaign School mentioned how hard it is to convince women to run for politics or express their opinions publicly. When approached, men hear these type of requests as a confidence boosters and they think about all the ways they can adequately fulfill the role. When women with the exact same qualifications are approached, they instead think about how they might not measure up.

There are qualities that women have that the world is waiting for. The world is waiting to SEE us and HEAR us speak. #NSVotesWomen — Laura O’Rourke (@LauraORourke) June 15, 2014

We need to level the playing field. But that won’t happen until currently marginalized groups start working within the current system. This is what Campaign School for Women is doing. I was continually overwhelmed by the caliber of women that I shared a space with; Women who were already doing great things in our society, and women who are inspired to do great things. Each woman was smart and driven in their own right and I felt lucky to be part of that group.

Photo Credit: Nova Scotia Advisory Council on the Status of Women/Communications Nova Scotia

As for me? I’m officially convinced that this was the perfect time for me to attend Campaign School for Women. Just wait. My kids are going to grow up seeing a woman – their mother – succeed. Expect great things from me. I am.

Photo Credit: Nova Scotia Advisory Council on the Status of Women/Communications Nova Scotia

Women don’t want power OVER anyone. They want power TO change. #NSVotesWomen

— Laura O’Rourke (@LauraORourke) June 15, 2014