So today was a rough day for us (and I won’t even mention the parking ticket I got). This morning, Cam-the-man and I got up and left the house on our way to go to the doctor’s office. You see, on Thursday, Cameron will be two months old. That means that Cameron needed his first round of immunizations. In my head, I knew that getting these vaccines are the best thing for my baby, but in my heart I could not imagine doing something that I know will hurt him.
I made the doctor’s appointment last week. I was waiting to find out what day my husband could come along with me. In reality, I knew Cameron didn’t need him there – he just needed someone to love and soothe him, and I knew I could do that. I needed Dan there. I needed to not hold my baby and see him look into my eyes pleading with me to make the pain stop. But, we’re going away to Toronto in a week, and so Dan couldn’t take the time off.
As we sat in the doctor’s office, Cameron was wide awake and was looking at me. He couldn’t stop smiling, and I couldn’t stop smiling at him. We had conversations and we giggled and we jumped (he likes to jump). Then, the doctor called his name. Into the office we went. Cameron got measured and weighed (13lbs, 11oz!). The doctor left and came back with two needles. It was time.
One needle went into each cute little thigh. Each time I held Cameron close to me. I held his leg as firmly as possible and I watched his little face go red as he cried out and looked at me. He couldn’t figure out why this was happening and why I wasn’t stopping it. Aren’t you the lady who has taken care of me for my entire life? Aren’t you the person who spends all day every day with me? Aren’t you my favourite person in the world? This can’t be right!
Cameron, I am so sorry that your Mommy disappointed you today. I love you so very much, and even though you don’t realize it now, this will actually keep you safe for years. And I promise, you’ll forget about the pain of these needles… until your four month vaccines.
But baby, every time something hurts you – even if it is something that happens for your own good that your Mommy doesn’t stop – you can always come to me. And I will always hold you close and soothe you until the pain goes away.
