There is still one thing that I have yet to get used to about being a Mom. It seems as though I am completely unable to dress this new body of mine. You wouldn’t know it by looking in my closet or on my bedroom floor (I will NOT post a picture for fear of being nominated for Hoarders.) But trust me, it’s a problem.
You’d think that in the 13 and a half months since my body drastically went from housing an eight and a half pound baby to being empty overnight, I would have figured out how to dress my body and do it nicely. If you thought that, you’d probably be wrong.
In the past 13 months I have lost weight and I’ve gained weight, I’ve been pregnant twice, I have nursed and I’ve weaned, and through it all my body refuses to let go of the memory of my pregnancy. The scars are visible. The lingering effects are difficult to hide.
And I have no idea how to dress my post-pregnant body. Even my 13 month post-pregnant body.
When I started working at my office before Cameron was born, I was already three months pregnant. So, when I purchased work clothes, they were all maternity clothes. Now that I’m back at work and decidedly not pregnant, I am still finding myself wearing maternity fashion usually every day. My clothes are either too baggy or too tight and I am always feeling like something isn’t quite fitting just right.
Maybe that feeling comes from what I am wearing as a base. A gal always feels better when she is wearing good undergarments (trust me on this one). But for the last 13 months, I’ve been wearing the same nighttime nursing bra. Believe me, I knew that I needed a new bra, but I was reluctant to purchase one knowing that it would likely not fit again once Cameron weaned. So I stuck with the nursing bra which was fine while I was on maternity leave, but leaves me feeling less than put together while at work.
And I don’t even want to mention my shoe situation. For some reason, since starting back to work, I have been successful in finding only sneakers, shoes with broken heels, and one pair of black flats with worn soles. I have been forced to wear sneakers with my dress clothes while walking to work and the uncomfortable flats while at work.
Needless to say, I’ve been feeling like a ragamuffin lately. My style has been doing nothing for my confidence. Instead I am constantly reminded that my body is no longer like it used to be. It is no longer fit to go out in public.
On Tuesday night, I had to run some errands at the mall. I was exhausted, but I was at the mall (something that never happens). I am proud to say that I made a step in the right direction. I purchased shoes. (And a bra – for $14. So, not a good bra. But a better bra. But the point is – I have new shoes!).
This is one purchase on my way to living in my new, post-pregnant body. This is one step to confidence. This is one way that I’m walking a little taller.
And when I am feeling too much like a ragamuffin, I will remember that this new body of mine tells the story of my journey into and through motherhood. And I will embrace my little ragamuffin and dress him up until he begs me to stop bugging him!
