Cameron has always been my little boy. There has never been any doubt about that. For a full year he was attached to me. My body fed him. My skin warmed him. My sounds soothed him. As soon as he could show a preference for anyone, he reached for me. He cried for me. He needed me. He wanted me.
As Cameron’s mother, I was obviously deeply drawn to him. But as we spent every waking hour and many sleeping ones side by side and skin to skin, Cameron formed a bond with me. We were connected.
I admit to feeling slightly self-congratulatory as Cameron chose me over anyone else, including his father, time after time. Without a sound uttered, Cameron was expressing his utmost desire, his undeniable love, for me. For Me. His Mommy.
I reassured my husband that Cameron did, in fact, love him and want to be with him. Together they were forming a relationship that was so unique to any other Cameron would ever experience in his entire life. But Daddy snuggles would always turn into reaches for Mommy. Daddy could never soothe the hurts like Mommy could. Cameron had his preference and he made it clear.
And then…
Well, then I went back to work. I sent my sweet Momma’s Boy to daycare and I stopped spending every waking moment with him. Our days changed. Our schedules changed. Our time together changed. Our roles changed.
As it was my responsibility to drive Cameron to daycare, Dan would wake Cameron up in the morning, feed him breakfast and get him dressed while I got myself ready for work. As my work finishes later than Dan’s it was Dan’s responsibility to pick Cameron up from daycare. So let me reiterate: Dad spends time with Cameron in the morning while Mom drops Cameron off at daycare (probably not the highlight of his day). Dad picks Cameron up and brings him home and together they have some alone time until Mom gets home.
Although I am usually the one to get Cameron ready for bed, you can see that I was no longer the parent who was with our son the most.
Soon, Cameron stopped running to the door to greet me as I’d come home from work. Soon, snuggles with Mommy turned into reaches for Daddy. Soon Mommy was unable to soothe hurts like Daddy was.
I had been replaced. By my husband.
I would be lying if I said this didn’t bother me a little bit. I was proud of being the love of my son’s life. I relished in the knowledge that I was somebody’s whole world.
But, I also found great joy in this change. Watching my son’s love for his father flourish made my heart flutter. These two guys mean everything to me. So when the loves of my life become the loves of each others lives, I don’t mind sitting back and drinking in their joy.
Now, Cameron chooses us pretty much equally. If he is looking for comfort, he often asks to go back and forth between us. We are his parents. Cameron loves us both. We both love him.
I am no longer the favourite. It is no longer all about the Mommy. I’m not just okay with this. I’m loving it.
