He Laughed

Thursdays however, are usually solo-parenting nights. My husband has a standing engagement that only gets trumped by something popping up in my Thursday evening schedule. Instead of having someone to team up with, Thursdays nights require one parent to take on extra responsibilities while Cameron gets some one-on-one time.

A few Thursdays ago, I was spending the night alone with Cameron. I had a million things on my mind.

Dinner must be started or Cameron will be very hungry! What should I make for dinner anyway? I really don’t want to cook anything unless the dishes have been done and the counter and stovetop have been scoured. But dinner needs to be started now. I need time to bathe Cameron. I wonder if I will get a chance to write? I wonder if I will get a chance to straighten up the living room? No Cameron, Mommy is busy. No Cameron, don’t play with that – Mommy just put it away. Here Cameron, why don’t you sit in the living room and watch TV? Come on, Cameron, can’t you please give Mommy just a few minutes?! She’s trying to  make you supper! What should I make for supper anyway? I wonder why Dan is always out on garbage nights…

I get so easily overwhelmed.

While I was preferencing my role as a provider for my role as a mother, getting all frazzled in the process, my little boy ran up to me and tried to play. As I half-heartedly engaged him, he did something that turned my whole evening around.

He laughed.

Suddenly, I realized that his laughter was something I had not heard in a while. The time my son and I spend together is so engrossed in routine and scheduling and getting through supper and into bed that I really don’t play with him anymore. My days are so caught up in the duty of working and mothering and wifing and housekeeping that I have been ignoring the relationships. I have been missing out on the laughter.

I hear about all the fun my son has. I know he likes going to the beach and playing in bouncy castles and indoor parks and music class. And yet, I have never once participated in these activities with my son. I have never even seen the joy on his face when he does these things. My baby spends the majority of his days, the fun parts of his days, without me.

Our time together? That is spent getting things done. Supper. Clean. Bedtime. Repeat. Day after day after day.

How can I let other people share those giggles with Cameron while I’m not?

Apparently I am still having a hard time adjusting to being a working Mom.

Because he laughed, I decided to focus on him instead of on what needed to be done. Because he laughed, I played with him more than I worked that night. Because he laughed, I am determined to be a better Momma. Because he laughed, I will cherish our time together.

Because he laughed, everything changed.

And now, I hear him laughing.