Unless you are one of the lucky ones, it can seem damned near impossible to get a baby to sleep through the night. After gallons of tears and coffee, it can still feel like sleep is unattainable. No matter how you go about doing it, sleep is a struggle with babies. As for me, I usually end up deciding when they will learn to self-soothe and wean them from the night feedings when I no longer feel like I can parent them in the day because of how much I am parenting them at night.
Getting a baby to sleep is one thing.
Getting a toddler to sleep is an altogether different monster.
Cameron started sleeping through the night around 9 months. All was great until he became a toddler. Suddenly, words and wills and intellect and debate were thrown into our nightly routine. Eventually, each bedtime became a fight and each morning came earlier.
The worst thing about toddlers at bedtime can also be a parent’s best tool to getting a child to go to bed.
As children grow out of babyhood, they begin to realize that they have a power. It is the power of words and of will. They are smart and they are strong and they push and pull us away from our resolve whenever they can. The trick to peaceful bedtime routines is to give older children a way to feel powerful and responsible in a controlled way.
Before Gavin was born, we were in a really bad spot with Cameron’s sleep. He was still confined to a crib, but he did everything he could to fight sleep. And the sleep-training tricks we had used on him in the past were no longer working on my strong-willed child. He was fighting every step of our before-bed routine. And then he was so worked up that he was unable to sleep.
Children of all ages thrive on routine. But toddlers will push the boundaries of routine just because they can.
Sometimes solutions are so simple that we don’t even think about them.
All we needed to do to make bedtime smoother was to stop forcing our routine and let Cameron direct it. This sounds a little wishy-washy, but there is a way to give children the control (responsibility) they crave while also making sure that parents get the outcome they want.
I made a “Night-Time Picture” for Cameron. It was a chart that clearly laid out the steps in our bedtime routine through pictures. Instead of telling Cameron that it was time for bed, we would tell him that it was time for his “Night-Time Picture”. He would run over to the chart that we had on the front of the fridge and he would name the first step and then go do it. “Clean up toys” he’d say, and run back to his play room to pick up.
If bedtimes are constantly a struggle in your household and it is contributing to exhaustion the following day, I highly suggest giving your child more responsibility. Let them take ownership of their bedtime and travel along with them as they get ready for bed following your carefully drawn out map.
Here is our Bedtime Chart, available as a handy-dandy printable. I hope it helps! (Click on the picture or here to grab the file.)
What tips do you have for taming the toddler bedtime monster?
This is a neat idea. Ariella is still in a crib and will be for a little while longer but in a few months (if all goes according to plan) after the baby moves out of our bed and out of the bassinet Sim and Ariella will be roommates for a time being and this method may be a useful way at getting the two toddlers to sleep well in one room.
Christopher D Drew recently posted..Born This Way
If you do use it, I hope it helps! :) We really don’t use it much anymore because Cam is quite good now (though I might bring it back for the ‘clean up toys’ part alone) (and also some nights the routine is a little wonky if he stays up to watch hockey) but we did start it when Cam was still in a crib. It was so great to watch, he got into it, running back and forth from one task to the chart.
Laura recently posted..Toddler Sleep: Taming the Bedtime Monster (with Free Printable)
A whole week dedicated to getting more sleep??? Sounds good to me! :D
My husband somehow got our oldest trained to go to bed and usually we didn’t have too much trouble, except in getting them to pick up their toys. That step is almost always a fight.
However, since he got to be about 4 1/2 he’s fighting back some more at times – it’s usally this one last thing he wants, but he’s pretty good he knows when we say no- it’s no. (at bedtime). At other times, less so.
Love this! It’s definitely a power struggle between us and the three year old at night. This is great advice!
What a great idea! My 3yo son knows his bedtime routine so well, but he has trouble STAYING asleep. Last night, he woke me at 1:30, 2:30, and 6 AM. I am one tired mama.
Kristin Shaw (Two Cannoli) recently posted..Seven things I loved about Dubai
Great idea with the bedtime chart, Laura!
We’re very fortunate that our 3 year old doesn’t pose much of a fight during bedtime – as long as his Dad is the one does bedtime. It’s routine for us too, when the time comes, I say, let’s change into jammies, and we do that. He’ll ask for a snack and water, that’d be a few minutes. Then his Dad will say, Goodnight Monkey, and they head to the room for a few minutes of songs and a book. Then it’s lights out, and he sleeps through the night. We had a regression when he was 2, but pretty much since we sorted that out, he’s been a charm.
Now, for the baby…….
Alison recently posted..Saying No
What a great idea! I may be trying this (also for the picking up toys part ;) )
Oh, love that. I think that would have worked with Connor. Will keep it in mind in case Ethan is troublesome as well. ;)
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..Living in the Light
As everyone else said this is a great idea!
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Great printable! I’m tweeting this one.
Great idea – so glad I’m out of that stage. Now, if I could just get my teenager to go to bed so she would get up before 10 on the weekends :)
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I just started using this at the end of last week. My daughter got a stomach bug the day after we downloaded it, but we followed the steps through out. Now this week she has gone to bed with out a peep for two nights. That is a big deal! Thanks so much!!
Kait! I am so happy to hear this (except for the stomach bug part. I hope your family is all happy and healthy now!) Thank you for sharing your positive experience with the chart. :)