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a blog by Laura O'Rourke

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Mama Home

“Dada? Mama sick. Mama sick. Mama no home.”

We had just seen Cameron for the first time after leaving home for the hospital nineteen hours earlier to deliver his baby brother. For the first time in a long time, someone other than Mommy or Daddy had put him to bed the night before and for the first time ever, someone other than Mommy or Daddy had got him out of bed in the morning. He had just seen his Mommy be pushed into the room in a wheelchair holding a baby on her lap and very slowly easing her way into a bed.

So when Daddy and Cameron went for a walk down the hall, Cameron decided he needed to have a little heart-to-heart talk with his father.

“Dada?” Mama sick. Mama sick. Mama no home.”

Dan’s heart broke.

Our little boy, who had been so good for his Nana and his Papa and his Aunt and his Uncle knew something was wrong. Our little boy noticed that Mommy and Daddy weren’t home. Our little boy noticed the state that Mommy was in. Our little boy was concerned. He was concerned that Mommy would not be coming home again.

How do you explain soon to a toddler? How do you tell him that Mommy and Daddy will be home the day after the day after tomorrow? How do you tell him that even though Mommy and Daddy will be coming home, our entire lives have shifted to make room for a new family member? Even when Mommy and Daddy come home, things will be different.

How do you explain that Mama isn’t really sick? She’s just tired and a little bit broken and a little bit spent. How do you explain that Little Boy kisses aren’t all that is needed to heal her?

Soon wasn’t soon enough for me either.

Our hospital stay was actually quite a retreat, at least for me. Despite being interrupted at all hours of the night and day, despite the copious amounts of diapers and the frequent nursings, despite having pushed all ten pounds of baby through my body, it was a lot more restful than taking care of a toddler and a house while being overdue. It was restful – but never right. Unlike when I was in the hospital recovering from Cameron’s birth, I didn’t feel like we were easing into our new family. While Dan lay on the cot in our private room and while I snuggled our newborn baby boy in my hospital bed, I could never feel like this was complete.

We weren’t a family yet. There were still only three of us.

Going home wasn’t overwhelming like it was the first time. Going home was what we needed to do. As we pulled into our driveway and got out of our car, I watched my first little baby run towards me. I crouched down to his level and braced myself to be slammed into by all 30 pounds of toddler. My body could barely tolerate it, but I? I needed it. I needed that running, slamming hug from my little boy to jolt everything back into rightness.

After a hug for Mommy and a hug for Daddy and requests to see the baby right away, we made our way into our little apartment. As I eased myself into the recliner, I heard Cameron excitedly say to his grandmother,

“Nana? Mama home! Mama all better! Mama home!”

Yes baby, Mommy’s home. With you. With Daddy. With Baby Gavin.

It is all better now.

Let our new life as a family of four begin. I could not be more excited.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. OMG – that is so sweet! I got teary reading it! I love Cameron! And that is a great picture of the two of you hugging…don’t you just love when they coming running to you? I get that when I get home from work and it is the best part of my day. :)

    • We don’t always get the running hug after coming home from things – normally when Dan comes home from work, Cameron tries to bring him something to show him. So he runs to the door with a golf club or a toy car to excitedly let Daddy know what he was doing. So that running hug was extra special. He was running towards us saying “Mommy! Daddy!” it was SO sweet!
      Laura recently posted..Mama HomeMy Profile

  2. Oh, CONGRATULATIONS! I, too, got weepy with this post. Not only is it beautifully written, but you’re foreshadowing my journey, a bit. Welcome home to you, and Baby Gavin (love, love, love the name). May your larger family begin the bonding and healing process.

    Now I’m on the impatient Baby Watch. Less than 3 weeks for me to go… I’ll keep you posted. :)

    Rest, tired Mama, and enjoy your two little ones. Brothers! Such joy!

    • So glad you love the name! I’ve been hearing that lots lately – it is really helping me feel secure in the decision.

      I hope the next three weeks go smoothly for you! What an exciting time!
      Laura recently posted..Mama HomeMy Profile

  3. Awwww, Cameron broke my heart a little. Ok, a lot. I love those running hugs. Nothing like them to set the world straight.

    • He definitely broke our heart too. It was so hard to be away from him, and now it continues to be hard to watch his world be shaken by this new person in our lives. He absolutely LOVES his baby brother, but is having a hard time adjusting to not being an only child. Not an easy time for a two-year-old!
      Laura recently posted..Mama HomeMy Profile

  4. Ok seriously…I almost cried reading this…I worry about how Nolan will react while we are gone too. That is so sweet that Cameron was so excited to see you and daddy. Congrats on the precious addition!
    Natalie recently posted..Wordless Wednesday-Say Cheese!My Profile

    • I think the best thing we could do when we were gone was leave Cameron in the hands of my parents. He absolutely loves his Nana and Papa and I know my Mom was really hands on with him. They visit quite often, so it wasn’t a complete shock to his system. Clearly the shock of having Mommy and Daddy be gone was big enough – it was nice that we could have people that Cameron was so comfortable with take care of him.
      Laura recently posted..Mama HomeMy Profile

  5. Yay, congratulations! Another boy, wow. You were right, I was wrong. And Gavin, that’s cute, my nephew’s son has that name.

    That is so sweet about Cameron, mama sick wow.

    When did you finally go into labor and when was he born? Your little men are welcome to come for a playdate sometime with my 3.

    • I went into labor on Saturday, April 28th at 3:30 pm. That’s when my water broke. We wound up at the hospital a few hours later and walked around for about five hours before being given a room. We weren’t formally admitted until closer to 11pm or midnight that night. I had Gavin at 7:15 am on the 29th.

      A playdate would definitely be fun sometime!
      Laura recently posted..Mama HomeMy Profile

  7. Ahh…another post that brings tears to my eyes. So sweet! I’m so happy that you guys are all back together. I hope you start to settle into life as a family of four soon. I know Cameron is so excited to be the big brother and you’re sure to have lots of help from him with the new baby. Love you, friend!
    Courtney Kirkland recently posted..How Much a Heart Can HoldMy Profile

    • I love being a family of four all together. There are times when I just look at my two boys and am absolutely amazed that I am THEIR Mama, that THEY are mine. My love grew so quickly that it is almost too much to handle sometimes.

      We’re definitely noticing that there is an adjustment period. Cameron LOVES Gavin and is SUCH a big helper – but he is also acting out and attention seeking. We’re trying to figure out how to be firm with him yet still make him feel like our special little boy. It isn’t easy. But I wouldn’t trade any of it for the world!
      Laura recently posted..Mama HomeMy Profile

    • Awww! I hope it is because you are watching Grey’s Anatomy… (That’s on tonight, right? I always watch it later… but it always makes me cry). :D No, really – I’m sorry for making you cry! I hope it is one of those good releases of emotion that makes everything feel better afterwards.
      Laura recently posted..Mama HomeMy Profile