I don’t make it a habit to publicly proclaim my opinion on something without educating myself as much as possible on the matter. For example, despite already feeling like I have surmised an opinion on the new it-book 50 Shades of Grey, you won’t find me blogging to the world about it (yet) because I have not read the book. Today however, because it is Mother’s Day, I am going to make a slight exception.
You see, I haven’t read the current issue of Time magazine yet. All I have seen is the highly contentious cover image and the list of articles. But unlike many other Moms, I do plan to both purchase a copy and read it, likely in full. As I have not yet done this, all I can comment on are my first impressions, but seeing as it is these first impressions that have so many mothers up in arms about the edition, I might as well chime in as well.
From what I can tell, Time magazine is up to its metaphorical nipples in anger from Moms and shock from the general public. I first saw the cover on my Twitter stream when jokes started flying from people who are certainly funny but who aren’t parents. Shortly thereafter I started seeing the hurt and anger from mothers who felt like their parenting was being called into question. For the general public, the image of the suckling three-year-old provides the shock value. For mothers the outrage stems from the headline “Are You Mom Enough?”
I have read blog post after article about why this headline is out of line: It ignites the Mommy Wars right before Mother’s Day; It makes Moms feel like they are less than enough; It doesn’t adequately describe the realities of Attachment Parenting; It is just sensationalism used to sell magazines so we should all just stop talking about it.
Maybe I’m not reading the right things, but I have yet to read about someone who shares my opinion on the matter.
When I first saw the magazine cover, I wasn’t outraged. I wasn’t hurt. I certainly wasn’t shocked. I was interested. And as I have been watching the sparked outrage ignite, I’ve realized this magazine cover doesn’t phase me in the least.
Shortly before Gavin was born, my husband asked me if I missed being at work. I told him that I recognized that I am a very capable person who does my job well, but it is a job that could be performed well by many people. I can leave work at the end of the day feeling like I have done a good job, but I have never left feeling as though I made a great impact on the world. On the other hand, I am passionate about my role as a mother. Each day, the little things I do for my family impacts the world in such a huge way because I am raising children. Each day I love, I teach, I nurture, and I form. I am literally creating people. And no matter how the day ends, I know I am a good mother. I was always meant to be a mother, and gosh darn it – I do an awesome job. This role – this mothering thing – is the one thing in my life that I am confident I am good at.
Although I devoured parenting books during my first pregnancy, I stopped reading them as soon as my first child was born. I quickly realized that I already knew what to do. My instincts as a mother were so much stronger than anything a book could tell me. I don’t subscribe completely to any particular parenting theology because I realized that with all the love in my heart and with the support of my husband, I have all I need to be the best parent my children could ever require.
So when I look at this Time Magazine cover, I am more interested in what it says about our society than what it is saying about me personally as a mother. I am interested in what society deems as “normal” parenting. I am interested in how Attachment Parenting is perceived by the general public. I am kind of giddy that breastfeeding is being shown, even though it is meant to shock. I am interested in what the magazine has to say and in what the response is.
But I am definitely not upset. I am already confident that I am Mom enough. I know that I practice Extreme Parenting because I am extremely passionate about my kids. And I hope that every Mom will feel this confidence as she parents to the best of her abilities and to the extremes of her love.
No matter how you do it, Mothering is extreme. The love we have for our children is enough.
Happy Mother’s Day!
Although I don’t share in the outrage, I have found some blog posts on this subject particularly appropriate. If you are interested in reading more, please check out these links:
The Attachment Parenting Paradox from Conscience Parenting
Time Magazine and “Extreme Parenting” by Sarah at Nurshable
It’s TIME to Stop Fighting the Mommy Wars by Katherine Stone
So, What do you think? Are you shocked at the image of the three-year-old breastfeeding? Do you think I should be outraged at the headline? Do you feel Mom Enough?
I am not shocked to see the cover…just think it’s an attempt of TIME to catch people’s attention by sexualizing breast feeding instead of showing it as it really is…a nurturing bond between a mother and child. The pic did its job…it got people talking. I am like you and have not read the article yet. And like you said we are all mom enough because we do our best for our children. I just hope it doesn’t describe attachment parenting in a negative light b/c it shouldn’t be wrong to love your child!
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Still haven’t read the article (I plan to buy the magazine and last time I went out it still hadn’t been released yet. I’m not entirely sure the release date) but I am pretty sure the article doesn’t portray Attachment Parenting in a negative light. They interview women who practice it and therefore think it is such a great thing. I am still really looking forward to reading it! :)
Laura recently posted..Extremely Mom Enough
Bravo to you! I haven’t yet read the piece, either, and plan to. However, I was extremely annoyed by the title, and the images I’ve seen from the article – mostly because I see it as TIME’s attempt to cash in on the “Mommy Wars” phenomenon. They seemed to have picked the images that would send the anti-breast feeding contingent into a giant tizzy, and the rest of us (I fall into the camp of “It didn’t work for me the first time due to complications, but that doesn’t mean I’m against it in the slightest”) end up feeling either ambivalent or a little hurt. I, for one, am tired of our society saying or suggesting I’m “less than” because of a choice I make. It’s my choice, it’s the right choice for me and my family, that should be enough. End of story. I’m proud of you for being an extreme parent.
Another interesting blog entry about this cover:
http://bfmed.wordpress.com/2012/05/11/time-cover-sells-out-moms-to-sell-magazines/
Part of me wonders whether we – Mom’s who hate the “Mommy Wars” – are actually perpetuating it. Wars are fought both on the offensive and on the defensive. But, on the other hand, I am not naive enough to think that Time doesn’t do everything it can to get people talking and boost sales.
Laura recently posted..Extremely Mom Enough
Very, very good points! Actually, we have a few things in comon. I too have always known being a mom was going to be my biggest role in life. Also, I know that my own maternal instincts are enough, that I don’t need the books.
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Yay! I love hearing that other Moms believe in their own instincts so much and know that Motherhood is their biggest role in life. I am proud of you, Mama! :)
Laura recently posted..Extremely Mom Enough
When I see all this hype around parenting, and styles of doing it right, and what’s okay or not, I heave a sigh of relief that I parented before social media. With a nineteen and almost seventeen year old, I didn’t have the benefits of the community like twitter – that I think has many wonderful things associated with it – but nor did I have to be immersed in the intense debates and judgments. I bottle fed my babies because they both failed to thrive nursing, I slept them in cribs down the hall after the first several weeks of bassinet by the bed, I slept them on their stomachs, I let them cry at times, and I went to work three days a week. I don’t know what philosophy I followed. Like you, I followed what I knew and what seemed right. And now I am looking at two very capable, attached, socially successful, academically capable, loving, funny, caring young people that I think will do good things in this world. For me, that means I must have done something right. And I believe that love and intention will go a long way – even if it doesn’t agree with everyone.
I don’t find much judgement on Twitter or Facebook – or even on my blog. Likely it is because I do try to be fairly neutral on everything I do. I hear about different parenting styles, but I am confident in the way I am doing things.
What I am really thankful I have decided to stay away from is the message forums. When I was pregnant with Cameron I hung out on The Bump all the time. It felt like high school. There was SO much drama, so many cliques. I barely wrote a thing but couldn’t let go. It was like watching a car crash. After having Cameron I realized I needed to stay away from that completely. My parenting is healthier because I am conscious of what I open myself up to.
Laura recently posted..Extremely Mom Enough
Very little shocks me these days. It’s clear TIME wanted to provoke reactions, and they did that. It started a discussion, whether or not we agree with the cover or the headline.
And as much as I disagree with the tactic (my PR side is whooping though), I think it’s interesting, as you say. I am choosing to pay no mind to it though – because I have better things to do than get dragged into Mommy Wars discussions, parenting styles etc.
I mother my children the way I know how – not by guidance of a book, Facebook discussions, mothering forums, or what other people say. I breastfeed, co-slept (but not this time), do not cloth diaper, only sometimes made my own baby food, – not because I subscribe to a ‘style’ – I just do what I feel is best for my children, and each child is different. Just as all moms do.
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Good for you. Part of me feels like the defensive reactions are doing just as much to propel the Mommy Wars. Any game or war needs two parts: The offence and the defense. If no one cared, if everyone was confident that they are making the best parenting choices for their children and if they refuse to let themselves be judged by others, the Mommy Wars would be non-existent.
Laura recently posted..Extremely Mom Enough
I actually did read the article since I subscribe to Time on my Kindle. The article itself took a fairly balanced, journalistic approach in talking about the pros and cons of attachment parenting. The cover was obviously just an attempt at being inflammatory and selling magazines.
I’m with you. I like the way I parent, and I’m pretty confident in it because it’s what works for our family. I breastfeed exclusively, baby wear sometimes, and never cosleep. Sometimes I let my babies cry themselves to sleep and we were all much happier because of it. Judgemental attitudes about the way other people are raising their kids – even if you deep down really do think they are doing it “wrong” – isn’t going to help anything.
I was talking to a woman the other day who matter of factly told me that she raised all five of her babies on canned milk. Not breastmilk, not formula… CANNED MILK. I resisted the urge to be horrified, looked around at her five happy and healthy children and told myself to stop being so uptight.
The only thing that really matters? That we love our kids and do our best for them.
Lucky you! I was looking for it on Zinio or on my Kobo, but no luck. We went out on Mother’s Day but found out that the magazine hadn’t been released yet. I am really glad it is a balanced article. I thought it would be, especially after seeing the rest of the images the photographer took for the article that were considered for the cover. They were rather beautiful.
Laura recently posted..Extremely Mom Enough
Thanks for the balanced approach. I was one of the moms enraged and hurt by the headline. Funny how before I had kids I would’ve gawked at the picture but now I just glossed it over. Anyways, I struggle with being mom enough and that headline just grabbed me and made me doubt myself, which is silly b/c Time magazine knows nothing about me and all they wanted to do was sell, sell, sell. It would do me well to ignore sensationalism like that. I’m so happy you are confident in your mothering. I hope I can get there one day too. :)
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You! Let me take a moment to AFFIRM YOU AS A MOTHER! Even if you are not necessarily confident in your mothering, *I* am confident in your mothering! Mothering is never easy, there will always be guilt and questions about whether we should have done something different in retrospect. But we do the best we can, and for that we should be proud.
You’re a great mother, Rach! xo
Laura recently posted..Extremely Mom Enough
I loved this post, Laura! I wasn’t shocked by the cover because I know that the only purpose behind the cover images was to A) draw attention to the story and the magazine and B) create enough controversy [which it’s succeeding at] to keep people interested in the article and buying the magazine long after the story runs. I think our society has reached the point of trying to determine the “Right ” was to parent. And that is what saddens me.
Courtney Kirkland recently posted..12 Week Baby Bump
Thanks Courtney! I think that little people are SO precious to everyone that we desperately want what is best for them. Unfortunately, we don’t cut people enough slack and we assume that *we* have all the answers. So we try to prescribe the best ways to do things. It starts out being all in good faith, but it ends up being judgmental.
I like the idea of sharing stories instead. I think it is important to share what worked for us in the hopes of helping others, but with an open mind that understands that not every child is the same and not every parent is the same.
That is what I love about blogging! :)
Laura recently posted..Extremely Mom Enough
Well said – I agree wholeheartedly – Loved your post. I am sad that it was meant to “titilate” (no pun intended) the public and selll magazines. When the MAJORITY of our world feeds their children this way, this long. If you can – lucky you – and I was lucky – but it was a choice that had me leaving the workforce at the height of my then career because I travelled internationally and could not breast feed that way! However, it was certainly the RIGHT choice for me and now I am building my own business, while being a WAHM (work at home mom) as my children grow. And, yes. this is the ONLY juob I feel confident in and I wake up every day and pinch myself that God has let me chaperone these souls through their childhood!
Thanks so much Robin. I loved hearing your perspective on it. Certainly the choices you made wouldn’t be the right ones for everyone, but I am so glad you feel like they were the best ones for you. It makes me so happy to know that so many other Moms are confident in what they are doing! :)
Laura recently posted..Extremely Mom Enough