So, I’ve been feeling kind of low today.
Well – that’s not entirely true. Today was a lovely, sunny, hot summer day. Cameron and I cuddled around the house until the Hubs was ready to come home from work. Then Cameron and I took the ferry and met him at his work. It is hard to feel down when the sun is shining and you are on a walk enjoying summer. But, at home I had no desire to get anything done. Did I work out today? Nope. Did I clean the house (my family will be over tomorrow)? Nope. And I’m pretty apathetic about it all.
I did make dinner tonight. Pad Thai with shrimp and tofu. Despite my serious dislike of tofu and only recently starting to like shrimp (did my pregnancy change those taste buds?), it was pretty good. Cooking dinner meant that I had to clean the kitchen first, because I’m a little OCD and need to have my cooking space spotless in order to make anything. That’s not to say that the kitchen is spotless anymore… there are some frying pans in the sink and I know I forgot to turn on the dishwasher, but I have no desire to get out of bed and turn it on.
I guess I’m just feeling lonely. I spend all day with a precious little one, but I am craving a connection on a more adult level. The funny thing is, I really don’t want to go out on a girl’s night or meet anyone for coffee or anything. Leaving my baby while I go do something with friends isn’t what I want.
Maybe I just need some quality time with my husband. It is hard though, because we spend all our time focusing on Cameron’s routine. Like today – I really wanted to go get Cows ice cream on our walk today but we didn’t because I felt bad for my poor little baby. I knew it was hot out, and ice cream would have been fabulous for Dan and I, but it would have just meant more time out in the heat for Cameron with no relief. But I really need that something little and special in my day, especially with Dan.
I am totally not articulating my feelings tonight. I think that I don’t quite understand them myself. The weekend is here and it doesn’t feel any different from any other day.
Maybe it is that I am feeling like I am the only one taking care of my baby. This definitely isn’t fair of me. I know that since I am the one with the bewbs and the one who stays home all day, I am the one who does most of the baby rearing. I am the one who has to wake up every night with Cameron to feed him. That’s all okay. I really love all my time spent with him. But sometimes I just feel alone while doing it.
Maybe that is where this feeling of loneliness is coming from.
Any other Moms ever feel like this?
Back to the sunshine and heat and everything happy… After our walk today we came home and everyone stripped right down. We were so hot. Cameron was down to just his diaper and hung out for the evening like that. Unfortunately, it isn’t so cute when Mommies and Daddies dress like that, so we changed into pyjama shorts and t-shirts (tank top for me).
