Mommy’s Nerves

This past week has been crazy (the lack of posts are not because I’m lazy, but because I haven’t been able to find the time).  We’ve been fighting these colds, I’ve thrown a bachelorette party, Cameron and I have visited my Mom, and I have a lot of work on my plate.  Combine this with taking care a baby and pretending to care about what my house looks like, and I am one exhausted Momma.

I’ve always been really proud of my son.  When other Mommas talk about how much their baby cries, I have always sat back and thought “it really isn’t that bad.”  Cameron has always been really good.  He rarely cries and has always been consolable.  Sure, there were definitely times during the first few weeks of his life when his fussy times felt like they would never end, but that is essentially the most difficult it has been.

Apparently, Cameron just wants me to think that he is a good baby.

If you ask my husband, he will tell you that Cameron is totally different when I am not around.  He isn’t nearly as happy and content, he cries often and is hard to console.  And this is how Cam acts with his dad.

Now take both parents out of the equation.

This weekend, my Mom babysat Cameron while I threw a bachelorette party for my sister.  Halfway through the party, I get a frantic call from my mother.  In the background of the phone call is a crying baby.

No wait.  That wasn’t crying I heard.  That was screaming.  My baby. was. mad.

I have never heard noises like that come from Cameron before.  And apparently that is how Cameron sounded for most of the time when he was with my Mom.

Fast forward to yesterday afternoon.

I was driving the four hour drive from my Mom’s house to mine with Cameron in the backseat.

Cameron has always been a good traveller.  When he was just two months old, we drove to Toronto straight through without stopping for the night, and we did the same on the way back home.  But Cameron no longer wants to sleep all the time, even when he is in the car.

He was good for the first two hours in the car yesterday, but just about the time we drove into Nova Scotia, all hell broke loose.  Cameron no longer wanted to be in his car seat and he made sure that I knew it!  (Isn’t it amazing how a completely non-verbal, brand new human being can be so communicative?)

I only got about a twenty minute reprieve from the screaming when Cameron fell asleep, but he soon awoke and decided to scream for the rest of the drive home.

Oh my goodness.

I did everything to try to stop the screaming.  I talked to him.  We sang songs.  I stopped the car at about every exit to give Cameron back his soother, to wipe the tears, and to reassure him that I was still with him.

Eventually, I just had to try to ignore the persistently petulant child.

Because if I didn’t try to ignore the screams?  I would likely have driven us straight off the road going 150 kmh.  Probably on purpose.

As the cries continued, I felt my body completely tense up.  I had to put all my effort into keeping myself from speeding because my foot was as heavy as a rock.  My clenched stomach reminded me of every little thing in my life that is stressing me out.

I turned up the radio, clenched the steering wheel, and prayed for home.  I couldn’t wait to toss Dan’s child at him and walk away.

After what I’m sure was 50 years later, we arrived at home.  I got out of the car and opened Cameron’s door.  He looked up at me with these huge, tear soaked eyes and stopped crying.

Man, I love that kid.

But, my body was shaking as I carried his car seat to the front door.  I let Dan take over the parenting for the next couple of minutes.

I have new respect for parents of crying babies.

I’m sorry Mom.