(Not so) Thinner Thursday

So, remember how last Thursday I was just getting over a cold and I was looking forward to being healthy and working out again?

Well, a couple of hours after that blog was posted, I ended up at the doctor’s office getting a prescription for an ear infection.

Of course, this meant that I have again not worked out this week.  Yup.  I suck.

Also, I suck because I totally forgot to weigh in this morning.  I didn’t even conveniently forget, I just flat out forgot.  And I certainly wasn’t going to do it after I ate breakfast.

So, I’m taking a hiatus from Thinner Thursday again.

However, in the spirit of Thinner Thursday, I think I need to admit something:

I have been feeling really down lately about the way I look.  I just am not happy with my postpartum body.  I feel frumpy when I catch a glimpse in the mirror before a shower.  I feel frumpy when I get dressed to leave the house.  I have absolutely no clothes that look stylish or good on this new body of mine. 

The problem with feeling this way about my body is that I don’t have any idea how to change it.  These stretch marks?  I’m pretty sure they will never fully disappear?  Even if I loose weight, will the extra skin go away too?  Will I forever have saggy boobs?

I feel like I look lousy when I’m home.  I feel like I look lousy when I go out.  I see pictures of myself and I definitely look lousy.

The problem with my discouragement is that it doesn’t give me the push I need to try to loose weight.  In fact, it does just the opposite.  I feel helpless and hopeless so I sit and emotionally eat.  And I emotionally-don’t-work-out.  It’s cyclical, you know?

I want to feel better about myself.  I want to feel sexy for my husband.  I want to feel confident when I go out.  I definitely want to be a Hot Momma.

I’m not trying to be all Pouty McPouterson here.  I’m not fishing for complements.  I’m also not all moody and upset.  I’m just expressing where my head (and body) is at at this point of my journey.