Reaching Out

I’ve pretty much accepted my role as Cameron’s #1.  When he falls and bumps his head, he looks for Momma’s snuggles.  When he is trying to get back to sleep at night, he relies on the comfort and consistency of my arms.  When he needs someone, it is me he reaches for.

I’m not complaining.  Not even a little bit.  It makes sense, you know.  My body has provided him warmth, comfort, and sustenance, in and out of the womb.  I have spent every day and night with this little guy since the day he was born.  It is only natural that he looks for me and wants me around.

In fact, it is the best gift a Mommy can get from her baby.  I know I am wanted.  I know I am needed.  I know I am loved.

But, it can also be heartbreaking.

When Cameron was a newborn, I was amazed at how he looked at his Daddy.  Awe.  It was completely different from the way he looked at me.  It was as if Cameron hoped that when he became a man, he would be just a great as the one called Daddy.  It was as if this man was the greatest man their was.  Complete awe.

But soon, Cameron needed me more and more.  Diaper changes and sleep revolved around nursing, and so Cameron relied on me instead of Daddy for all his needs.  I certainly relied on my husband to support me in being a Mom, but Cameron only knew that he needed me.

One time, we spent a week apart.  Cameron and I went to my parent’s house for a visit while Dan stayed home to work.

When Daddy and Cam were reunited, it was if Dan was a stranger.

Cue the heart break.

Slowly, very slowly, Cameron started to reacquaint himself with his father.  Soon, Cameron easily smiled at his Daddy.  He even started giggling while they played together.  Daddy declared that Cameron and he were best friends.  Together, happily, they go on adventures.  And when we recently spent time apart, Cameron definitely recognized his Daddy when he came home.

But when Cameron falls and bumps his head, he still looks for Momma’s snuggles.  When he is trying to get to sleep, he still relies on the comfort and consistency of my arms.  And when he needs someone, it is still me he reaches for.

Until yesterday.


Yesterday was Sunday so we were at church.  I had carried Cameron in from the car and had taken off his jacket, but had handed Cameron to Dan so I could remove my own.  Cam had enjoyed quite a few minutes being in Daddy’s arms.  They had sat together “quietly” playing with Sophie (okay, not so quietly – Dan managed to squeak Sophie twice, and Cameron was having a great time making rude noises).  Together, they stood up to sing.  I reached over to relieve my husband of the 21 pound boy.

That didn’t last too long.

After only a couple minutes, Cameron reached out his arms and held them out to Dan.

Cameron reached for his Daddy.


Now, Cameron has reached for me lots, but he has never reached for Dan.

Cue the heart flutters.

It was lovely.  It was wonderful.  It was so beautiful to see my son reaching out for my husband.  The only thing better than being the one my baby always wants is to see him wanting the man I love.  And that makes me love them both even more.

For now, I am totally willing to share this baby love thing with my husband.  I will always be will to share my son’s love with my husband.  (But when Cameron gets to be a teenager, I am totally not willing to share my son’s love with other girls!  Just FYI).