When I was growing up, I had a great relationship with my father. Daddy’s Girl. Every daughter with a Dad can claim this title at least once in her life. This was the reason I thought I wanted a daughter when I was pregnant. I really wanted my husband to experience this deep connection with his child.
I valued this father-daughter relationship more because I had no idea how important the father-son relationship was.
Not until Father’s Day.
We really did have a good Father’s Day. We had breakfast with my Dad, we watched a golf tournament on television, we went out for steak. Cameron gave his Daddy some really special gifts including a painted-by-him picture frame and an iPod nano. I am so thankful I grabbed a picture of my smiling son with his happy Daddy.
Because when Dan thinks back to this past Father’s Day, he will not remember these good times.
Instead, on those unfortunate times when he is thinking of Father’s Day 2011, he will remember the phone call he received from his brother right as we were climbing contentedly into bed.
Dad’s dead.
At that moment I saw my husband as somebody different. Instead of the fantastic Dad that we had been celebrating all day, the dad who makes his boy smile and who values me as a mother, my husband was somebody’s child. A son who had lost his Daddy.
Grief flooded into our home that night. Grief that was heart-wrenching and touching and beautiful.
Love is nothing if not immensely beautiful and intensely painful.
Over these past weeks, I’ve gained a glimpse into this relationship that I was so rarely privy to. I’ve learned that my father-in-law was the best Dad a boy could ask for. I’ve heard stories from their thirty-one year relationship. I’ve realized how close my husband was to his Dad. Through tear-filled eyes, I’ve witnessed unconditional love.
I’ve seen the father my husband hopes to be.
As we’ve grieved and cried and worried and remembered and laughed, I have realized that the relationship between a boy and his father is crucially important. Dan’s Dad was his parent, his teacher, his friend and his mentor. As each year passed they grew closer.
I now know why Dan especially wanted a son.
We have been so sad over these past weeks. Each new day is a new opportunity to miss a man who meant so much to our family. But hidden within the sadness is something I pray my husband will soon be able to see: We are celebrating a life. Through each tear and ache and painful memory, we are telling the story of a man who made such an incredible imprint on the life of a boy; on the life of a man.
I very much wish I could thank my father-in-law for the way he fathered my husband. Because of his example I know that my son has the best father I could ever want for him. Every time Dan is the amazing father we celebrated on Father’s day; every time Dan tells Cameron he loves him or encourages him to succeed or teaches him a skill or gets down on the floor and plays, he is honouring you. He is honouring his Dad.
#kingatears beautiful Laura. An amazing tribute to the legacy your father in law left to Dan and now Cameron. Its only a dream that every child experience this. I hope my kids do as well. Love you guys. Thinking so much about you and Dan.
Beautiful post…you made me cry!
What a beautiful tribute to family and to bonds between fathers and sons. It echoes my own admiration for the amazing father my husband has and for giving him a wonderful example for fathering our sons. Condolences to you, Dan and Cameron.
Lovely tribute Laura. My condolences to your family.
I'm terribly sorry for your loss, Laura. This is a beautiful post and tribute. Very well written. My husband is in the process of losing his father right now. The doctors haven't given him much time. It's very heartbreaking to witness and I hate that I can't take my husband's pain away. I'm not sure if this is worse or better – knowing that you have a little more time to treasure and make memories, though death is inevitable in just a few months. The impending death is certainly overshadowing everything. I am praying for all of you – for peace. Blessings to you and your family, Laura!
Oh, Laura. I am so incredibly sorry for your family's loss.
You have done such a beautiful job of capturing and sharing the beautiful relationship that your husband shared with his father.
May time ease the pain that your family is feeling.
Much love to you.
I'm also very sorry for your family's loss. My uncle passed the day before Father's Day this year and at his memorial service his daughter gave an amazing tribute to him, so I understand both sides. This is a beautiful post, Laura.
I'm so sorry about Dan's father. Your tribute here was just beautiful and very touching. I'm glad Dan did have a great relationship with his dad and will carry that on with Cameron.
very touching post. Lots of tears as I read through it. keep on hugging and loving that husband of yours. There are tough times ahead but also times of laughter and memories. prayers.
I read this with tears. I am so sorry again for your family's loss. Cam won't get to know his Grandpa personally but Grandpa will live on through Dan and through Dan, Cam will know that Grandpa is a wonderful person and father to Dan. I hope you all find strength and peace…hugs. xo