One Number

On Tuesday night, as I was getting ready for bed, I was startled by the realization that it was Tuesday night! You see, I always weigh in on Wednesday mornings. My alarm goes off 15 minutes earlier than normal. I wake up, pee, and strip before standing on the scale. There is no doubt about it, I will make myself as light as possible before recording my weight.

So Tuesday night marked the end of one weigh-period. And let me tell you, it was not my best week. It was even worse than last week. I only ran twice, I had strep throat, I ate a hotdog for lunch on Saturday (and didn’t track it), and I topped the week off with a complete emotional meltdown. I climbed into bed on Tuesday night while the rain pounded my window, intensely feeling the pathetic fallacy of the moment. I was ready to move on from the day, fall asleep and never revisit it. And I had completely forgotten that the following day was a weigh-in day.

Until I remembered.

I shouldn’t be so scared of weighing in. But I was. I wake up on Wednesday mornings and define the previous week with one number. One number completely colours the coming day. I will either walk out of my apartment with my head held high, feeling proud of myself and good about my body, or I will find myself starting the day in a funk.

I can’t help it.

I didn’t want the next morning to come. I didn’t want to step on that scale. I honestly would not have been surprised if I had lost or gained and I just didn’t need the possibility of something else bringing me down.

This fear of facing the scale made me wonder if I am tiptoeing the line between being healthy and unhealthy. Paying attention to nutrition and portion sizes and keeping active is an amazing pursuit assuming it doesn’t start controlling my life. It should never be an obsession. When one number can determine the outcome of my day, perhaps I need to re-examine things.

The pursuit of health is a wholistic endeavour. So it is hard to stop it from becoming a preoccupation. But balance and moderation is so important in every aspect of our lives. Trying to live healthy should not be my only focus. And if I fail once in a while, it shouldn’t affect every other part of my life.

It is time to make sure my healthiness is healthy. It is time to focus less on that one number and focus more on how my body feels and how my energy is improving. It is time to start eating better because it makes me feel good and not because it makes me skinny. It is time to hit the pavement because I am accomplishing goals I never thought I would accomplish.

It is time to proclaim that I am more than a number on a scale! I am a mother, I am a wife. I am a writer. I am a runner. I can do all these things and be healthy too.