I am finding myself using the term “baby” quite often. This should be understandable considering I am pregnant and have absolutely no names picked out for my unborn child. But despite calling the little one growing inside of me “our baby”, I am actually using the term more and more when talking to my ever-growing toddler.
Despite the fact that each day, each minute, Cameron is leaving babyhood behind, I feel the need to emphasize the fact to both myself and him that he is still my baby… That he will always be my baby… Even if another baby is added to the equation.
My baby.
The boy whose idea of playing means jumping on me with arms open wide to give me giant hugs.
My baby.
The boy who ends every night with “Nigh-nigh Mama”.
My baby.
The boy who so desperately wants to spend time with his parents that he interrupts whatever else we are doing to entice play-time or snuggle-time.
My baby.
The boy with his own personality, ideas, opinions, and plans. The boy who acts less and less like a baby each second.
He is still my baby.
And yet, I have never been one to romanticize the past. I am not, at all, trying to limit my son from being who he is, today. Even the completely non-baby, independent parts about him. I want to celebrate all of that, every inch grown, every milestone hit, every step away from being that little baby that he once was.
Calling him my baby is not about keeping him small and dependant. It is about reminding him that he is still mine. As my stomach grows and that spot on my lap that he likes to sit gets smaller and smaller, as Mama is able to pick him up less and less and requires more and more downtime, and even once Mama has to go to the hospital for a while and comes home with a new little baby, Cameron is still, and will always be my baby. Reminding him of that, using that word is more important than anything right now. I want him to realize that my love for him will never diminish and that he will never be replaced by another baby.
And I promise to stop calling him my baby when he is old enough to be embarrassed by it. I promise. With fingers only partially crossed.
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I have decided to try my hand at another photo project this year. Last year, my photo-a-day project failed miserably in February when my camera broke. I realize that I will never be able to keep up something like that again this year. But the idea of a once-a-week photo project sounds reasonable enough…
I have decided to take on a 52 Faces project which I am calling Faces of a Family. In reality it will be more like 208 faces because each week I want to include one image of each member of my family. From those four pictures, I will choose one to inspire writing.
Wish me luck and hang around for the journey. Here we go!
Laura, Maybe as mothers we will always look at our children and see them as babies. I hope for that, anyway, because there will probably come a time when their “cuteness” and appeal will be replaced with eye-rolling, crossed-arms, and big sighs, SO unappealing. My first born now stands at my eye level and seems to have morphed into a pre-teen. I do miss her baby ways, believe me, but the little lady she is growing into is pretty awesome too! But, fyi, she still looks like my baby to me.
Angie recently posted..The puzzle that is Elias
I love hearing your perspective. Part of me recognizes that my children will always be my babies. On the other hand, I know that I continue to try to reject being my parent’s baby and having my husband be his mother’s baby. Likely my children will try to reject that with me as well. — What I love hearing is how your pre-teen still makes you love her for just being her awesome self. I’m not trying to rush time either, but I am loving each new stage with Cameron and I look forward to all the future stages I get to enjoy!
Laura recently posted..Faces of a Family: Week 1: My Baby
I still look at my nearly 3 year old and think he’s still my baby despite the fact he has a younger brother. I have taken to calling him my big boy when I’m chatting with him and it seems to give him a sense of pride. He’ll always be my FIRST baby and that part will never change. He’s the first one who grew inside me, the first one I felt kick, the first everything when it comes to motherhood. I too struggled while in the last stages of my subsequent pregnancy to figure out how on earth I was expected to love another human being as much as I loved my first son. I couldn’t fathom it – despite knowing this growing baby was equally a part of me, from me. When explaining this feeling to someone I was presented with a wonderful gift…this thought – having a second child does not divide the love you have to give…it multiplies it. Truer words were never spoken.
I’ve heard that saying before. I can’t wait to see how it works out in my life. Because, you are right, it is a strange feeling to have SO much for this little person that has made me a Mom. I KNOW I will have just as much love for my second child, but it is so hard to fathom how that is even going to be possible. But I’m not at all concerned. I know I will have infinite love for my second like I have infinite love for my first. I am concerned that, even for a bit, Cameron won’t realize this.
PS – I often call Cameron my “Baby – Big Boy”. Because I call him my Baby first and then second guess it and feel like I need to reiterate that he is also growing up wonderfully. He’s in that transition stage and my words just can’t describe it! :)
Laura recently posted..Faces of a Family: Week 1: My Baby
Our babies are all grown now, 31, and 33. Of course we have the grandchildren, 4 of them. They are still young,and range in age from 4 to 13, but we will always consider them as our babies as well. I think no matter how old our children get to be, we always hold them in our hearts as our babies.
I am absolutely sure you’re right. Especially since every time I write something like this, my Dad says “You know, that is exactly how we feel about you.” Of course, I roll my eyes a little bit at him, but I think I’m entitled to, because I am his baby! :)
Laura recently posted..Decaffeinated
I’m really looking forward to seeing your project unfold over the next year! I love that you’ll be doing photos of everyone in your family. And I love this post! I understand completely. Noah may be going on 4 years old, but he’ll ALWAYS be my baby boy!
Courtney Kirkland recently posted..Things I Wish I Could Say
Thanks Courtney. Although, I’m not even at week 2 now and I’m wondering where all my motivation went. …
But thank YOU for sharing your project. I am glad to have some sort of accountability at least.
Do you tell Noah that he’s your baby? What does he think of it? Cameron doesn’t really have much to say about it, though he recognizes kids younger than him as babies – so I would be really interested in knowing his own opinion of his Mama calling him one.
Laura recently posted..Decaffeinated