I could talk about my childbirth experience all day long.
It is probably the best story I have. It has everything a good story needs. Action. Conflict. Blood and Gore. Sweat and Tears. Pain. Hard Work. Agonizing Suspense. Climax. And finally, a perfect resolution.
But if you’re thinking about having a baby any time soon, this story might not make be our best conversation choice. It certainly isn’t the story of a simple, easy child birth. And so I try to avoid creating nightmares by telling my story to those people who absolutely shouldn’t hear it – especially women on the cusp of giving birth themselves.
Yesterday was my sister’s due date.
As her due date has approached, she has had to face the realities of giving birth and being a Mom. Or, rather, she has had to face the unknown. Because none of her worries are realities yet. Nor do they have to materialize into realities. So horror stories that were once someone else’s realities really aren’t productive.
But of course, she goes ahead and asks me what happened. In order to “prepare”, she wants to know all possible outcomes. Will she die of embarassment before she even gets to meet her little one if her water breaks in public? Will she enter the hospital hours before giving birth only to be admitted long before she needs to be? Will she be able to get through labour? Will she be in terrible pain? Will she be a good Mom?
As I started to get into my birth story, after persistent asking on her part, I realized that my epic tale might be doing more harm than good. For as cool as telling a story that spans 38 hours, involves numerous trips to the hospital and torturous methods to induce progress, it really doesn’t begin to describe how awesome the experience was.
Giving birth was really tough for me. When I thought about it, even a few months later, it was something I never wanted to repeat again (Ahem…). But now, when I think about it today, I realize that I received so many blessings while giving birth.
I saw something in my husband’s eyes that I have never seen before, not even on our wedding day. He looked at me with so much love, so much pride, so much awe. Together we shared in this awesome creation of life together and it was in those tear-filled eyes that I really understood the miracle of what had just happened. I have never felt more loved than I did on that day.
My body was utterly exhausted. It was broken and ravaged. And it had just done the most incredible thing it ever had to do. After nine months of creating and growing a person from scratch, it birthed a baby – my baby. Through its weakness and brokenness I recognized more strength in myself than I ever knew was possible. I took part in a miracle. And when the stitches healed and the muscles started tightening again, still, my little, precious boy reminds me of what I accomplished.
The act of sacrificing so much of myself on that day for a little boy who had only just taken his first breaths convinced me that I would be an incredible Mother. Motherhood had taken me over completely.
When I stand back and reflect upon my birth story, I don’t see the pain and the blood and the agony. I really do see something beautiful and miraculous. I see love and strength and accomplishment. I see life.
This is the story I hope my sister hears from me today. These are the blessings I wish on her as she goes through child birth. And when it is all over, then we can share our warrior battle stories. I look forward to it.
This might be the only picture I will ever have of my sister and I pregnant together. The sad part is, we both look equally huge and equally exhausted.
Amy: 38 weeks pregnant; Laura: 26 weeks pregnant
What are the beautiful things that you remember from your childbirth experience? If you haven’t given birth, what do you look forward to in the delivery room? Let’s start a conversation about the positive parts of giving birth.
You want to know what message I got from this post? How awful that picture is of me!…haha (just joking – I got more than that – I just had to comment on that!)
Amy Pike recently posted..A letter to my little one
I knew you’d think that. But it is awful of me too. We’re allowed to look terrible though, we were pregnant and in the post-Christmas, post-baby shower funk. I bet in five years we’ll love it though, so that’s why I included it.
Laura recently posted..In the Delivery Room
My first birth was good, but my memories are blurred with morphine and laughing gas. After 6 hours of labour, Baby #1 arrived sleepy and confused and nursing was difficult. I don’t know if the drugs are entirely to blame, but I found it frustrating.
Baby #2 was born after only 3 hours of labour and we barely made it to the hospital. I changed into a hospital gown, collapsed on the bed and out he came. No time for drugs of any sort. I felt better (though a little panicky!), he was alert and nursed fabulously… it was a much more positive experience despite the rush.
I was able to labour at home, all by myself. Toddler was in bed and hubby was at prayer meeting. I found it way easier to concentrate and get through it by myself actually, though I would certainly not have wanted to deliver by myself! Giving birth is wonderful, I honestly can’t wait to do it again :)
Emily recently posted..Something New
[Don’t read this Amy!] Very interesting to hear of your experience. It is SO different than mine. I laboured at home for a LONG time (24 hours) although I did go into the hospital twice during that time. My contractions were VERY close together after about 14 hours of labour but I was not dilating so hospital sent me back home. By this point I had long passed the 4-1-1 rule (contractions 4 minutes apart lasting for a minute for longer than an hour), so I asked when I was to know when to come back. The hospital told me to come back when the pain was too unbearable.
This means that when it actually GOT to that point, I was ready for both the drugs and the help with sleeping. It was 24 hours after labour started, I hadn’t been able to really sleep and every contraction was very strong. The morphine knocked me out but it was STILL another 12 hours before before I was in active labour (this is why I was willing to accept the morphine. According to everyone, it was going to be a long time before the baby would come). I look back on that day as a huge relief after labouring for so long at home the day and night before. And by the time active labour was upon me, I was still exhausted but very alert. I could feel every contraction and I could CERTAINLY feel the baby coming even with the epidural. Cam was born with the cord around his neck, so it was tense for a few moments, but it gave me a moment to regroup myself before he was placed in my arms. He was perfect and had no trouble nursing.
Laura recently posted..In the Delivery Room
Oh labour stories…mine was not what I had hoped, but, when all was said and done, Haydon was as perfect as could be, and that’s what was most important. One of the most beautiful parts of labour was seeing my husband stick up for me and my preferences. We had hoped to have an all-natural home birth. We ended up in the hospital, but he was really great about telling the nurses and students and everyone else who kept popping in and saying “Has she had her epidural yet?” that I wasn’t having one. I did eventually get one – and learned later that he had been on the phone in tears with (his mom? my mom? somebody!) feeling like he had let me down because he had let me be pressured into it. Even now, when we talk about Haydon’s birth it is so neat to see him express his pride and amazement at what I was able to do in bringing our son into the world!
Rae recently posted..A wee snapshot
We Moms get so easily caught up in our plans don’t we? This is why I said in the post above that the realities we plan for aren’t necessarily realities at all. I know there are so many women who have births that aren’t at all what they hope for. But I am thrilled that even despite that, you have some really beautiful memories.
My favourite part about your story is how you can see both the incredible strength and heart wrenching vulnerability of your husband at the same time. Isn’t it incredible how this experience allows both the husband and wife to learn SO much about each other – so many more things to love? Beautiful! Thanks so much for sharing!
Laura recently posted..In the Delivery Room
Here goes, Amy!! Four pregnancies, four amazing births. No spinals for any, no drugs for three (and the only reason I had some for Jillian was because they kept bugging me every 10 minutes and I finally said “Yes” just to get them to leave me alone!)
For Allie the intern asked me if I really was wearing make-up and said he never saw anyone looking so good at 10 cm!!
With Chirsti, no one actually believed I was 10 cm because I wasn’t having any huge contractions, just little 30 second ones.
Sarah was a breeze as well, two pushes and there she was.
The first piece of advice I can give you is actually for Dave: As that contraction starts to climb on the machine, let Amy know. You will probably see it before she feels it. Then, tell her as soon as it starts to come down. If you know you’ve made it through the hardest part and that things are easing, then you know you can get through this contraction.
Second: Breath, baby, BREATH. Deep in and deep out. It may sound silly, but I still use it when I am dealing with what seems to be unbearable pain.
Third: Sing!!!! Out loud, if you like, but I sang in my head. The three verses of “Jesus Loves the Little Children” (as He said one day) got me through a contraction. Concentrate hard on the words, making sure you’ve got them right. It will work wonders!
As for being a good mother, I have no doubts. Don’t aim for perfect, no one is and you will just make yourself crazy! Love this baby, and continue loving this babies father. That’s the best you can do. The rest will fall into place.
As for the mountains of advice you will get, listen to it all, and use what you see fit. Learn as you go. That’s half the fun!
So, lets go over it again:
1 you can do it!
2 lean on Dave
3 breath
3 sing
4 believe!!!
I’m no expert, for sure, but I’ll answer all your birthing questions anytime you like…… email or call.
Can’t wait to hear how things go and what beautiful baby you bring into the world.
God bless
Peggy Mullin
Wow! What INCREDIBLE insights. I know I’ll certainly be relying on some of these next time I go through labour.
What really stood out to me was your singing – even if just in your head. I’ve been reading a book these past few weeks called Satisfy My Thirsty Soul which is all about living out a life of worship by yielding you life to God. But I never considered specifically bowing my childbirth to God. Of course, it makes sense once it is written out like that, but in daily practice it isn’t as easy as that. This will be my goal for my coming birthing experience.
Thanks Peggy!
Laura recently posted..In the Delivery Room
One thing that the nurse told me while I was having Eli that helped the MOST was to take deep breaths and picture blowing all the candles out on a cake. I’ve never blown out so many imaginary candles before in my life, but having that mental picture REALLY helped me focus and remember to breath. Otherwise I kept forgetting. I did it for Theo too, really worked.
Emily recently posted..Lesson Learned
Here’s food for thought: my 1st labour was 5.5 hours, my 2nd, 18 hours! What a nasty little surprise! I am the only person I know whose 2nd labour was longer than their first. Even my doctor was stunned! But each labour so special for each.
Now you’re giving ME nightmares. I can’t imagine things going longer and worse for me than the first time around. The thing that gets me through is hoping that it will be quicker this time around. :)
It is so crazy how each person has such different experiences and even each pregnancy can be so different! That’s one of the best reasons why it doesn’t do anyone any good to worry about what might happen.
Laura recently posted..Faces of a Family: Week 2: Sick Blessings
I always find birth stories amazing now! I was in labor for 26 hours with no drugs and delivered a healthy baby boy. It wasn’t easy but so worth it! Hardest thing I’ve ever done but also the best!
Natalie recently posted..Tag, You’re It!
Once you’ve gone through it, doesn’t it totally just make you want to tell it? Birth stories really do have all the makings of a great story. Unfortunately, there are so few times when this type of story works in polite company! :)
You are so right – hardest and best. Amazing how that can be true, isn’t it? Maybe a little life lesson for when normal things get tough.
Laura recently posted..Faces of a Family: Week 2: Sick Blessings
This post is just beautiful Laura!
Indeed, I hadn’t thought to offer labor to God before but had since read and noted that idea for furture babies. I just gave birth to my 3rd son in december and I went in with a list of prayer intentions. When things started to actually hurt I began at the top of my list, which ended with the intentions closet to my heart. For the contractions I’d check my sheet then focus on that particular person as best as I could, while breathing through itand praying the ‘for the sake of his sorrowful passion…’ from the divine mercy. At first it was all in my head but when things got more intense it became audible. By the end I was screaming the words out loud but what else could I possibly have screamed that was better than that prayer?!
Just some suggestions to add to your experience surrendering your childbirth :)
Thank you so much! And thank you again for sharing your perspective to a greater extent on your blog.
I have another friend who also used labour and contractions to pray. I believe I tweeted something the day she was in labour and she added me to her list of intentions. How absolutely humbling to know that the pain of my day, something insignificant in comparison to what she was going through, was being focussed on by her and brought to God.
Laura recently posted..Faces of a Family: Week 2: Sick Blessings
I hope you don’t mind that I shared this on my blog, I wanted my readers to see it too, especially my best friend who is due with her first in July.