Since I was a little girl, I have always had a stash of make-up for when I really needed it. It started with a simple play set which included lipgloss, blush, and probably loads of lead. As I matured, so too did my make-up materials. I started using eye-shadow, foundation, mascara, and in time eyelash curlers and eye-liner. But really, these were only ever used for special occasions. When I looked in the mirror, I didn’t really see a need for make-up. Sure, as a teenager I saw lots of reflection imperfections, but none of these were fixable with a simple sweep of a make-up brush.
I didn’t really start wearing make-up regularly until a year or two into my relationship with a big-city boy (who ended up becoming my husband). One afternoon, as I was getting ready for a shift at the coffee shop I worked at, my boyfriend made a comment. It was meant to be an innocent, contemplative comment – one that commented on the difference between the giant city he grew up in and the small-town mentality that I had. But it changed me.
“Girls never leave the house without make-up on where I am from, let alone go to work that way!”*
And there I was. Stuck in that place where I wasn’t quite sure if I had just been criticized. I didn’t know whether the man that I loved wished I was something more.
Insecure.
Of course, I wore make-up on our first date and every subsequent date after that. Sure, I wore make-up when I handed out resumes and attended job interviews. But to me, make-up was an addition, a “something special” that wasn’t always needed.
But after that comment, I grabbed my make-up bag and started applying. And, instead of resenting my boyfriend for making me feel unpretty, I started to find confidence every time I left the house. I painted that confidence on every morning and hoped it wouldn’t smudge during the day.
Underneath it all was someone who had lost her natural confidence.
Since becoming a mother, I now go through phases with make-up. Sometimes I wear it every day. Sometime just to work. Sometimes it gets applied whenever I leave the house. And sometimes, I ignore it altogether.
I brought my giant make-up bag to the hospital with me when I was in labour. I planned to be the perfectly pretty new Mama, all made-up and ready for my prime-time when the cameras started snapping.
But I didn’t touch that make-up bag. Not for months.
I was happy. In love. Busy. Overwhelmed. Exhausted. My life had completely changed.
And I wondered where the pretty girl went. Motherhood gave me so much, but it stole that one, little thing from me.
My skin has since lost its teenage pimples but the bags under my eyes have grown. I skip through profile pictures and notice a distinct difference between pre-baby and post-baby me. I look tired. Older. And typically, less made-up.
Soon, life settled down for me. My boy was older. The pounds had been shed. I was back at work. My days started with a make-up routine again and most days, I looked in the mirror feeling like I was rocking it. I was no frumpy-Mom. I was a hot-Mama!
But now, I’m back in this place. This place that finds me feeling huge, exhausted, and unpretty. My routine has changed and make-up has fallen from my priorities again. The pregnancy, early-wake ups and long days, being both a working and stay-at-home Mom is leaving my time crunched and my energy drained. I forgo my morning make-up routine for a few minutes of extra sleep and haven’t thrown on a pair of heels in weeks.
And without this mask, I am struggling to find the confidence I once had. I’m struggling to feel like the woman my husband married. I am struggling to feel like myself.
But this? This is what motherhood looks like. It is raw and exhausted and overwhelmed and busy. It is unrefined. It is natural. It is beautiful.
*My husband rarely puts his foot in his mouth. Cut him some slack this time around. It was years ago. He is pretty darn incredible.
Previous Weeks
So honest and true! I’m generally a make-up minimalist, but still feel like I “need” to smooth out my skin and run the mascara over my lashes before I see the world. Funny, that I was the feminist teenager that refused to wear any because I was fine just the way I was…
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I actually really appreciate how make-up can make me feel. Hiding a few imperfections or just emphasizing certain good parts is not a bad thing. There is a reason it makes me feel more confident! What is funny is that, for financial reasons, this step away from make-up actually started in the fall when I ran out of my foundation. I love Mac make-up and didn’t want to shell out the money for more, so I just stopped using it, even though my skin could use some smoothing out too! :)
Laura recently posted..Make-Down: Faces of a Family
Oh I think you look young and beautiful and fresh. I’m a lot like you about make-up. I hardly wear it anymore. I wore it growing up, but I only used 2 or 3 products and never eye makeup. I liked keeping it simple. But now, as a mom, I feel old. Worn. And the gray hairs aren’t helping either.
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Oh, I am so thankful I don’t have any greys yet. I colour my hair (or just highlight) like once every year or two, so I usually don’t keep up my roots very well. Maybe I’d be more motivated if I had something I actually wanted to cover.
I don’t think you are alone feeling old and worn as a Mom. I am CONVINCED that motherhood changes our appearance, in a number of different ways. I am just trying to embrace this new look! :)
Laura recently posted..Make-Down: Faces of a Family
i wish i could be as brave as you Laura. my big-city girl mentality is stuck with me and i never leave the house without make-up. you always look beautiful.
Latitia recently posted..perspective
So THAT is why you always look incredible! Next time we go out in public together, I’ll try to remember to swipe on some gloss and mascara so that I don’t look terrible in comparison! ;-)
I don’t think I’m brave. Just – lazy? Tired? Indifferent?
Laura recently posted..Make-Down: Faces of a Family
Goodness, you’re gorgeous! I realize you didn’t write the post to get compliments, but there you have it. Gorgeous!
That said, I’m a few weeks behind you (due late May), and I’ve reached the stage where I often eye my blow dryer with skepticism and the mascara and foundation stay firmly in the closet…. and when I look in the mirror I see a woman older than her years who looks tired and worn out. So, I feel this post, intimately.
Thankfully, my nearly-4 daughter has different ideas and routinely (at least twice a day, actually) says, “You’re beautiful, Mama…” which helps a ton. Badges of honor, these wrinkles and bags, right?
Awww – Thanks!
When you said that you eyed your blow dryer I suddenly remembered I owned one of those things! And a straightener. I used to shower every morning, then flat-ironed my hair(or blow dry if I didn’t have the time to flat iron). It seriously took me 2 hours in the morning to wake up and be completely ready to leave the house.
Needless to say, I haven’t touched either the blow dryer or the flat iron in AGES. And I shower at night now. And sleep on my wet hair. No wonder I feel like I’ve let myself go a bit. :)
How incredible it is to hear those words from your daughter. I love knowing that our children don’t judge us on our looks but just love us, no matter what!
Laura recently posted..Make-Down: Faces of a Family
I sometimes wish I was the sort of person that didn’t think I had to cover so much up with makeup. I depend on concealer to cover those constant dark circles and bags under my eyes. I’m a very busy mother and they are there for a reason. Still, I go to great lengths to cover them up. I wish they didn’t bother me so. I think you look beautiful. We are always our worst critic. Others probably don’t even notice.
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The picture isn’t really touched up much, but it is brightened. Which means, I do look better through the eye of a lens than through the eye of a mirror. Needless to say, I understand needing that cover-up! And you know what? I don’t think that is anything to feel bad about. If such a simple little action can make us feel so much better about ourselves, why not?
Eventually, at some point, when I’m not so tired and when I start caring again, I’ll be insistent on make-up, I’m sure.
Laura recently posted..Make-Down: Faces of a Family
Natural beauty!
Sometimes I wear make up, but more often than not, I don’t.
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Thank you! And YAY! It makes me feel a little better knowing there are other Moms out there who don’t bother with make-up much either!
Laura recently posted..Make-Down: Faces of a Family
I hesitate to wade in here….where angels fear to tread. As a much older woman and as a mother of “grown up” women I look at you – at all of you – and think of a line from a Stan Rogers song, ‘Lies’ about a woman looking in the mirror “…all those lines, telling wicked lies.”. (Lyrics here: http://www.getlyrics.com/stan-rogers/lies-lyrics/) You are beautiful – makeup no makeup, tired or well-rested, your faces telling the stories of your lives. Sadly it’s not often a story embraced by culture where air-brushed, sanitized, and characterless becomes the apex. I think of how we use the word ‘make up’ – I make up a story, make up a bed, make up my version of the truth just this one time, make up a test, make up for lost time, as well as put on my make-up. I feel I need to wear make-up – but often don’t. What I like best is reading in faces the character make-up that is being ‘put-on’ and lived out often very courageously as you are a Mom to your son and this yet to be born little one – as you are a wife to your husband – as you are a co-worker, a friend. There is uncommon beauty, I think, in that truth.
Thanks Mom! I think the idea of make-up is an interesting one to examine. In general I think that if something so small can make a person feel slightly more confident, then it is a good thing. On the other hand, we get used to it. And so when that façade comes off, we feel worse about ourselves. I remember when I felt like I didn’t need make-up. And you know what? I don’t really feel gross without make-up on any more either. Maybe it is because I am so used to not wearing it. Or maybe it is because in the grand scheme of things, I prefer my life when I don’t take the time out to put that make-up on and take it off every day.
I guess I don’t mind who I am with or without that make-up on. And I think that is what I was trying to say in this post. Because even though I don’t look or feel as polished when I go out into public, I know that my choice to not wear make-up right now is part of this motherhood thing – and that is a role I embrace fully.
Laura recently posted..Make-Down: Faces of a Family
I personally always think the more natural one looks, the more beauty shines through that allows others to see :)
Lovely pictures Laura!!
Awww! That is a great way to look at things. I fear that most of society doesn’t see things the way you do though. But you know what? At this point in my life, I don’t really care what the rest of society thinks! I just don’t have the energy! :)
Laura recently posted..Make-Down: Faces of a Family
I know you didn’t write this to get compliments, but I can’t help it. You are astoundingly pretty.
So much of it is subjective and conditioned. At one place and time in my life, makeup was practically required socially. I thought I wore a good amount and applied it well, and was offended when my boyfriend’s mother helpfully suggested I take a makeup class. But when I visited her where she lives in another part of the country, I understood, because everyone there wore a LOT of makeup and applied it very differently. To her, that had come to feel normal and correct. It was a great lesson for me in the illusions of perception.
Now I live in a place where very few women wear makeup, and I have to admit that it now looks strange to me when I see it, even the smallest amounts — it looks clownish to me, artificial. I can acknowledge that decorating oneself in that manner can be great fun, and I don’t look down on anyone for liking to do it. But I do not personally find it attractive anymore, and I do feel sorry for women who feel that they *have* to do it.
Because I was one of those women. I got to the point where I did not feel like I could leave the house without it. I felt like I didn’t look okay without it. My actual, real face wasn’t okay. That was disturbing to me, being fully aware that I hadn’t always felt that way. I knew I’d been brainwashed, and that I was complicit in it. So I stopped wearing it.
Ah, to have no skin problems associated with cosmetics! Ah, to not have to suffer the feel and smell of it! Ah, to be able to rub my eyes! Ah, to not be disgusted seeing myself in the mirror without it! Ah, to not have to waste time doing it in the morning, to be able to just step out into the world without tedious preparation! Ah, to know that my husband’s attention is really for me, not the makeup!
It’s heady stuff. I could never go back.