We officially have a two-year-old. Thankfully, we appear to be avoiding the “terrible two” stage so far. Our boy is generally quite pleasant and happy. He certainly knows how to throw a tantrum, and he understands when he is misbehaving, but these are “qualities” that we still see quite rarely.
One morning recently, Cameron woke up happily enough. In fact, after a late night for his Mama and an early morning for his Dad, Cameron was probably the peppiest of us all. There were smiles and snuggles and some of the cutest, wobbly, just-woke-up walking you could imagine.
I had just finished my bowl of Special K when my husband and son wandered into the kitchen. After saying “Hi Mama!”, Cameron pointed towards my bowl and squealed “Cereal!”.
“Would you like some cereal?” Dan asked.
“Yeah!”
“Which bowl would you like to use?” he asked, holding out a bright orange bowl beside a Disney Cars themed one.
“Tha-one!” Cam pointed, obviously choosing the Cars option.
“And, is this the cereal you want?” Dan held out the Honey Nut Cheerios. After a short addiction to Fruit Loops, we compromised somewhere in the middle of the Healthy — Death-by-sugar continuum by encouraging Honey Nut Cheerios, mixed covertly with regular Cheerios.
“Yeah!” My son was excited for breakfast. He ran to his “eating chair”. I was reflecting on how such simple joy could start the morning off right and spread so much warmth in a family even before the sun had risen. Dan was plopping Cameron into his high chair and handing him his bowl of cereal.
And then, meltdown.
Cam pushed his cereal away. His little face started transforming into and big, wrinkly, cry-face.
“What’s wrong Cameron? Use your words. Tell us what you want. Don’t just start crying. We don’t know what that means!” We couldn’t understand what had happened. Cameron chose his cereal. He chose his bowl. Did he want a different spoon? No. A drink? No. He kept pointing towards the kitchen. So we picked him up and walked him in the direction of his outstretched finger.
“Do you want a different kind of cereal? You wanted Honey Nut Cheerios! Would you like this one instead? This one? No? This one?”
And that was it. My precious little bundle of light had collapsed on the floor, face down, wailing. His stiff body just radiated anger. He threw his cup on the ground. He sat up and collapsed again. He ripped things from our hands. He stared us down and cried and screamed and cried some more.
Why couldn’t we understand?
My husband and I sat nearby, wanting to show Cameron that we would be there when he came around but not wanting to give into his little charade.
Language is a funny thing, isn’t it? Here is my little boy, making Mommy and Daddy so proud by learning to talk, completely opening up new worlds of communication that we can share with him, and somehow, closing himself off to other forms of communication. I am convinced that tantrums begin around the same time as language development because our children, who are learning to express themselves in a new way, are not quite able to express themselves fully yet.
Before he could talk, before he was mobile and could do things for himself, I anticipated my son’s every need. I only rarely found myself frustrated while trying to meet his demands. Somehow our bond and our routine made it possible for me to know him. I knew his needs. I fulfilled his needs. I anticipated his needs.
And now, as our communication has moved into this beautiful and uncertain world of language, we are losing the ability to decipher each and every thing this little boy tries to express. The frustration is palpable, sometimes on both sides. Language, in its simplest form, fails to meet every need that the human heart requires. As much as these tantrums drive me nuts, it also breaks my heart to watch this breakdown of communication between my son and I.
Each day, my son’s vocabulary grows. Our ability to communicate verbally increases. And yet, I am pretty certain we will continue to have these breakdowns of communication. In fact, I am sure they will continue for the rest of our lives. Tantrums might take on different forms as my son grows up, but they will still be present, as they are in all of our lives. Language will never be perfect to express our heart.
Having just turned three, our Goose is talking circles around us – which is AWESOME, except that she’s also at the stage (and picking up more and more from the older kids at daycare) how many more ways there are to tell us exactly what she thinks… about everything. Including “no! I don’t want to!” and she once said to me recently “you be quiet! I don’t want you to talk to me right now!” when I was trying to ask her to take care of something she had been playing with. It’s definitely both rewarding and frustrating, in so many ways. It’s also extremely difficult at this stage to explain things to her in a way she understands, as with all of her talking and as smart as she is, we sometimes forget that what we may be trying to say is beyond her comprehension right now. Confusion, frustration, exhilaration – it’s chaos :) One of the best parts of this stage though? Is when she randomly runs over and gives Hubs or a I biiiiiiiiig hug and says “I love you sooooooo much!” I guess it’s the trade-off for when you want to pull your hair out ;) Good luck to us all!
Rusti recently posted..blessed, and thankful
Oh boy, I cannot wait until Cameron can say “I love you!”. But he does give big hugs and kisses, which are beyond awesome.
I can only imagine that things will get worse (as well as better) as his communication skills increase. Even now I know that my biggest patience drain is when I am in a rush to do something and Cameron just refuses to cooperate. I can be trying to get his coat and boots on and he will be standing his ground on the opposite side of the room from me saying “STOP! STOP Mama!” SO frustrating!
Laura recently posted..And Then There Were Two
I absolutely can relate to this. The mutual frustration of both the toddler and his parents (my husband and I) is felt constantly. When he doesn’t seem to be able to articulate what he wants, and we can’t seem to understand what it is he needs. As the weeks go by though, it’s getting easier. As he seems to learn more what we’re saying, and learn how to communicate more effectively – by that, I mean hand gestures, sounds and words. It’s a long learning process, and patience is needed. But you’ll both get there eventually.
Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..Kisses
We will get there. And I am loving the process. Seriously, hearing my son pick up new turns of phrases and put together words in new ways just makes my heart leap. But I am not convinced that we will ever communicate perfectly! :) Just picture teenage-hood. Oy!
Laura recently posted..And Then There Were Two
I’ve been there way too many times to count! Challenging times! I have determined, however, that “twos” aren’t really that terrible… Things are just changing and they are trying to be more and more independent, which can be really frustrating at times. But I’m sure you’ll agree… Two is such a cute age!! :)
I am absolutely loving two! And I think you’re right. I have even heard that three is more frustrating than two. But we shall see. The reality is, I have an incredible little kid living in my house, so nothing can be TOO terrible no matter what. I love watching him grow up! :)
Laura recently posted..And Then There Were Two
I am starting to see these little tantrums as well…and you are so right when you said, “I am convinced that tantrums begin around the same time as language development because our children, who are learning to express themselves in a new way, are not quite able to express themselves fully yet.” This is the best way to explain it…so so true!
Natalie recently posted..Nursery Ideas and the Weekend
Thanks Natalie! What is interesting about tantrums is that I think they manifest themselves in different ways as we grow older because we still aren’t perfect at expressing ourselves. I know that I can get into a real funk when I feel like my husband and I aren’t communicating in a way I want us to be. Communication problems lead to tantrums, even if they are some sort of a redefinition of tantrums.
Laura recently posted..And Then There Were Two
Hmm, this was a really good way of saying it. Not only is he learning more language, he’s learning about the world around him and how it works. I can imagine it’s incredibly overwhelming and that same way we just want to put our hands over our ears and scream when we feel frazzled is probably what Cameron is experiencing too. As hard as it is, I’m glad you are making an effort to understand.
Rach (DonutsMama) recently posted..Great Expectations: The Look of Love
Thanks. What is interesting about most of the tantrums we’ve experienced is that they often comes after Cameron tries to tell us he wants something. He is too little to understand that we would say no for any reasonable reason so he tries to tell us again and again. So yes, his frustration is SO visible. It makes me feel a little more patient with his tantrums… mostly! :)
Laura recently posted..And Then There Were Two
I don’t have my own children, but I love watching little ones learn and play and grow. I love watching them figure things out and make new connections. And then I watch the kind of meltdown that you described and I always think about how frustrating it must be to have heard the language, and to understand so much, and to have developed all the thought patterns… but not be able to put the sounds together in words and sentences. I wonder how long it would take me to have a complete meltdown if I were placed in the jungle with people who didn’t speak my language and no means of translation.
Thanks for a beautifully written post. I’m really glad that I’ve found your site. :-)
Leah @ TheMiracleJournal recently posted..New growth
Hi Leah! I’m really glad you found my site too! Great to meet you! Thanks so much for such a sweet comment.
Even I find the miscommunication between my son and I very frustrating. We’re getting to a point where I can understand about 90% of what he says. But that small percentage of time, when he is clearly asking for something that he thinks he is saying clearly but I just can’t grasp, I find myself becoming frustrated and disappointed that I don’t fully understand him.
Laura recently posted..The Final Stretch