Last week, we packed up and piled in our tiny Yaris to embark on our third roadtrip in as many weekends. This time, we were on our way to Cape Breton, a cozy island on the tip of our province. We were off to meet family visiting from Toronto and to give my husband and his step-father the golfing experience of a summer.
I come from a family who jumps in the car at every opportunity. My Dad’s definition of a nice afternoon is to “take a drive”. As I was growing up, my family spent one summer driving through Canada and then exploring the northern States and another spring driving to Florida and back along the Eastern seaboard. The idea of spending all day in a car getting to some far off destination actually sounds kind of nice to me.
My husband is cut from a different cloth, however. He would rather not drive any further than he needs to. A “quick” four-hour jaunt over Nova Scotian highways feels like torture to him, and he would rather get it over as fast as possible then to make many stops and enjoy the journey.
To each his own.
Still, with two kids, a four hour drive to the other side of our province isn’t the easiest thing we’ve ever done. We have it mostly down to a science: The toddler has the iPad to watch “Cars and Boats” (Cars 2) and the newborn is still at that age where he sleeps through everything but the mid-trip milk break. Still, we are each a little anxious to get out and stretch our legs and expend some energy after a good long trek like that. As our car drove into Inverness, we were counting down the minutes until we could jump up, claim our hotel room, and run around a little.
As we drove into the courtyard of the hotel resort, I knew that things were not quite as we had expected.
A valet came out to meet us. He would take our bags and then park our car. But with two kids in the car and all of our worldly belongings packed in around them, our life was not really conducive to valet parking. We gave him our one duffel bag and the playpen to bring to our room, but insisted it would be easier to park the car ourselves and take our time extracting the kids. As we selected a parking spot, my husband turned to me and said with shock “I had no idea there would be valet service! I have no money on me. Not a cent. I should have tipped him. Do you have any money?”
Ohmygosh, I thought. We are that family who does not tip!
As we walked into the lobby, me carrying the infant carseat while Dan was hand-in-hand with our two-year-old, an employee greeted us. “Are you hear to eat?” he asked. He was polite and smiling, but I could just imagine what he was thinking behind those words. “…because with two babies, I really hope you’re not planning on staying here.”
I looked around. There were windows everywhere. Adults in proper golf attire. Everything was pristine and quiet and fingerprint-free.
“No. We’re here to stay” I said, mortified.
We had brought kids to a place where kids are clearly not meant to be.
All weekend, I tried to hide my kids away. I tried to dress them nicely and keep them still and quiet. They were going to be seen and not heard, and barely seen at that. Adults around me were going to tell me how good and cute my kids are. Right?
Wrong.
Everywhere we went, we were that family with those kids.
My son ran around the restaurant that first evening at dinner. I barely managed to keep him from running into a waitress and knocking over a girl on crutches. He whined and yelled and wanted to throw his cars on the floor. The first night in the hotel room was horrid. We tried to give Cameron his own, queen sized bed, when he is still used to sleeping in a crib. We were stuck in a nightmare and no one had even fallen asleep yet. Cameron ran. Cameron jumped. Cameron yelled. Cameron cried. After a night with little sleep, Cameron spent the next day completely on the verge of a breakdown. And then he refused to nap.
I’m not even going to mention the baby.
Everywhere we went we were that family. We stood out. We were loud. We were unruly. We were totally in a place we didn’t belong.
I spent most of my weekend completely and utterly embarrassed of my children.
I could have fit into that resort. I could have been fancy and polite and pristine. I could have worn designer clothes and beautiful jewellery and expensive shoes. Dan and I were on our way to being that couple until we had kids. But having kids changed us from that couple to that family with those kids.
I had to check myself. Who cared if we were that family? I like being that family. I like having these kids. Even if it means over-tired upsets and spit-up clothes and a ponytail hairdo. Even if we no longer fit into certain environments. What does it matter?
That same boy who screamed in a hotel for an hour while we tried to enforce naptimes kisses me on the lips and says “I lub you, Mama.”
That same baby who douses me in eau-de-spitup scent brightens a room with his incessant smiling.
My kids are incredible. They are amazing. And when I look past my own faulty embarrassment I find fierce pride.
We are that family. With those kids. And even in the middle of a world not created for us, there is no one else I’d rather us be.
Have you ever been that family before? Have your kids ever stuck out like a sore thumb. Have they ever embarrassed you (gasp!)? I’d love to hear about it!
I love that you first admitted you were embarrassed – because I’ve been there and I didn’t want to admit it. Yes, we have been that family in restaurants and hotels and planes. And at first, we’re both ack, I hope we don’t get stared at and people don’t hate us.
But we look at our kids and think, eh, wouldn’t trade them for anything so yeah, we’re that family too. And it’s okay.
Alison recently posted..My Parenting Style Is Best Described As Flying By The Seat Of My Pants
I hate admitting that my kid’s embarrassed me. But the reality was, it wasn’t really their faults. It was a combination between throwing their routine way out of whack and being in a place where they could not be free to be themselves. That has got to be hard on a kid. Sure, I want them to learn manners and how to be civilized, but we should also cut them some slack. I think my embarrassment stemmed more from the fact that we were even there with kids and less that my kids were monsters (although, that too).
Still, there were some blissful moments. And I am grateful for those. And Cam even charmed the pants off some adults for a while, so there was that! :)
Laura recently posted..That Family
I agree with Alison. I love that you were honest enough to admit that you were embarrassed, because we’ve all been there at one point or another. When we drove from Alabama to Seattle we had more than one issue with this. We stayed in a very, very nice Holiday Inn Deluxe (who knew Holiday Inns could be fancy, right?!) that was similar to what you are describing. Noah jumped and climbed and cried and screamed…it was just bad all the way around. But, like you said…I’d prefer to be THIS family than anyone or anything else. :)
Courtney Kirkland recently posted..Essential Steps Toward Becoming a Business Owner
Part of my embarrassment was that we were even there in the first place. Seriously, we were not cut out for that place. Dan and I probably could have enjoyed it had we come sans-kids, but we just stuck out the whole time. It kept running through my mind that people would wonder why the heck we would chose to stay there! The truth is (and this is why the place was such a shocker to us), my in-laws planned the trip and books the lodgings. We really had no idea where we were going. I am super grateful for the opportunity to stay there (we would never have been able to afford it), and we did have a good time.
But holy moly, those kids! I love them, but WOW!
Laura recently posted..That Family
I was also going to say that I’d rather be that family with those kids than be that sparkly prisitine couple. I like my messy life, even though, yes, it is very embarrassing at times!
Rach (DonutsMama) recently posted..Things That Matter
Me too. Having kids totally determined the course of our lives. We could be glamorous and glitzy and rich, or we could have a family. Some things in life are better messy! :)
Laura recently posted..That Family
The trick is not to let the fear get you, once you can relax so too will the kids and you’ll be getting the aren’t your children lovely and cute compliments, because they totally are x
Yeah. It really was imperative for me to change my perspective. Having Dan with me helped. I could express my feelings to him and he both understood and helped me realize that it wasn’t a big deal. Heck, staying in that room meant that we were hotel customers, golf customers, and restaurant customers. And of course, I realized that the misbehaviour came from from their routines being thrown out the window. As tough as that weekend was on me, it was tough on my kids too. So I needed to cut them some slack.
Laura recently posted..That Family
I’m so glad you didn’t let the embarrassment spoil the trip your amazing in-laws gave you! It’s always hard being THAT family. (We’re that family in restaurants, still, even though my youngest is almost a teenager.) But you deserve a nice time out just as much as anyone else, and so what if those folks had to listen to kids for a bit? They probably had cocktails after you’d taken your children to do something else and toasted the reminder that they were their without theirs!
Katie B. of HousewifeHowTos.com recently posted..Recipe: Homemade Taco Seasoning Mix
You are so right. We all share the world with all kinds. Babies. Teenagers. Annoying adults. We need to learn how to share our space and be gracious. We are all allowed to be out in public, together.
Laura recently posted..One Step
Oh, goodness yes! Last September my brother-in-law got married in Duck, NC at a lovely resort called The Sanderling. My daughter was 3, and there were only two other kiddos under the age of 17 with her. My sister-in-law’s best friend had a 2 year old and a newborn, but they were only around for the ceremony and dinner reception. My kiddo was there all weekend… On the beach? No problems. At the rehearsal dinner, ceremony (on the beach), and dinner reception? *sigh* We did the best we could to prep her (naps, feeding her early, since the dinners were late… in one case, past her actual bedtime…) but… she was 3. One guest (a friend of the bride’s family) made a few off-hand remarks that stung, but my mother-in-law brushed them off and looked me in the eye saying, “Children are lucky at weddings…” Thank goodness the whole group celebrating the union was small, and it helped tremendously that my brother-in-law and his new wife both WANTED Avery there and took pleasure in her unabashed joy. They laughed when she barrel rolled down a sand dune in the middle of their ceremony, ran laps around the dinner table at the reception with her, helped her color sort the m&ms while dinner was being served, and made sure to feed her extra frosting from their wedding cake. So, the snotty looks we got? Who cared? The newlyweds weren’t upset, so they shouldn’t be either.
I think sometimes we expect too much adult behavior out of our very-small children at the discomfort and detriment to everyone around them. Over the years, I’ve noticed that my kiddo could sense my anxiety and it would make her anxious, which often leads to over-the-top behavior… So now? I try to relish her childhood silliness… and remember that she’s A GOOD KID BEING A KID.
It is so comforting when someone affirms your children when you’re feeling ashamed of their behaviour. They are children. We need to let them be children. They bring certain blessings that adults never could. It is so important (and difficult sometimes) to remember this.
Laura recently posted..One Step
Oh my goodness yes I’ve had this so many times with my boys, especially the oldest. He has always been really friendly with people. When he was under 2 it was extremely cute but some people don’t see it that way. Whenever we’re out, especially at restaurants he likes to go around to the tables and socialize. Most people are very good about it, but I’ve gotten some rather grumpy looks from adults, even at McDonalds.
It is so hard to know where to draw the line, isn’t it? How do you teach a kid to feel comfortable in public, be polite and friendly, but not to encroach on personal space. Kids don’t get that at all. At what point to we let them be kids and at what point do we expect adult behaviour from them? Oh the struggles of parenting!
Laura recently posted..One Step