Naptime.
If you’re a parent – especially if you’re a stay-at-home parent – you know all about it.
Naptime is a brief sanctuary of time that provides much needed minutes of solitude and silence. Although the kids don’t realize it, we all need this restful reprieve from each other. It gives each of us a much needed time out for rest and quiet and leaves us better equipped to handle family togetherness in the evening.
But, family is made up of imperfect people. And so sometimes, naptime does not go how I want or need it to.
Wednesday was one of these days.
I had a lot to do on Wednesday. I had just photographed three families over the weekend and was in the middle of a photo-editing blitz. My email inbox was absolutely bursting with unanswered email and no matter how much I tried to get a handle on it, it just continued to pile up (sorry if you’re waiting for an email from me. I promise you will hear from me. I just can’t promise when you’ll hear from me). Mess was building up on its own around me while I tried to focus on doing work instead of housework. I was looking forward to naptime so that I could maybe, possibly put a dent into my growing to-do list.
I should know by now that nothing goes smoothly when you really need it to.
Gavin was tired. Cameron was hyper.
We started our regular routine. Everyone got cleaned up from lunch. Diapers were changed. Books were read. Superheroes jumped off beds (sigh). Both boys laid together on the toddler’s bed while I sang one song. Then two. Kisses. Hugs. Goodnights. And then the baby and I were off to get him settled down.
As I walked past Cameron’s bedroom after finally getting his baby brother down to sleep, I hear: “Mama? It’s me! Cameron O’Rourke! OPEN THA DOOR, Mama!” I know better than to indulge. Going into his room just means that the whole sleep process needs to be restarted and it pushes back the possibility of him actually falling asleep. But the longer I didn’t go in to see him, the louder and the whinier her got. Finally, I went in… but I was not happy about it.
“Cameron! It is sleep time. You need to be in bed now. And you need to be quiet. Gavin is sleeping. Just rest. Please!”
I left the room, but nothing got better.
With all the commotion coming out of the big boy’s room, the baby woke up – tired, fussy, and angry that he wasn’t asleep.
My patience snapped. I had felt it being pulled thin and tight, like an old, cracked and dry elastic band. In retrospect I should have expected it to snap. I should have taken a moment and calmed myself down so that I could be the mother my children need. But that’s what naptime was supposed to be for – resetting. And naptime wasn’t happening.
I threw open his bedroom door. BANG! You have just woken Gavin up! You need to get into bed NOW! I grabbed his arm. I dragged him to bed. He started crying. “I scared, Mama. I scared how you talk to me.”
Yup. Not my finest hour.
After nursing Gavin enough to realize he would not go back to sleep, I began to understand that naptime was going to be a total bust for everyone. I opened Cameron’s door and let a tear-stained toddler out of his room.
“Mama. I all done crying now. You not mad anymore?” What could I say? How about “No. I’m still mad, Cameron. You didn’t sleep. Naps are important. And because of you, no one got one.”
Sigh. I’m actually the worst Mom there ever was.
A few minutes later, Cameron came up to me. “I not sleep Mama. You got upset.” My little boy – my precious little first born – was trying to make things right between us. He was stepping up. He was protecting our relationship.
“I think what you’re trying to say is ‘Sorry for not sleeping.’ Is that right, buddy?”
“Sawwy not sleepin’ Mama.” I gave him a hug and sighed. “I forgive you. Thank you for apologizing.” Thank goodness. Lesson learned. I’m raising a good little boy. Gold star for this Mama!
Oh, how wrong I was. Oh, how much I failed my boy that day.
We all make mistakes. Parenting is tough work. We need time outs and breaks and sometimes, especially when we get to the end of our rope. Our children aren’t perfect. They will misbehave. And yes, it is good for them to learn that their misbehaviour hurts those closest to them. It is good for them to try to make things right.
But it is also on us to control how we react to our children. It is on us to have our behaviour in check. It is on us to apologize when we do something wrong. It is my responsibility to teach my children how to act in all situations, even when things don’t go our way. And it is my responsibility to show my boys that I too am a flawed individual, that my behaviour isn’t always exemplary.
After getting his brother to sleep that night, I tiptoed into Cameron’s darkened room. As I straightened out his blankets and tucked him in, I talked to him about our day. “You know how Mama got upset because you didn’t nap today, Buddy? Mama wasn’t very nice, and I am very sorry. I scared you, and I am really sorry. Mama loves you, Cameron. With all of my heart. You are my boy and you are important to me. I never ever want to hurt you, and I am sorry that I did today.”
I screwed up on Wednesday. Royally. Yes, I hope Cameron took a few lessons out of that day. But, more than anything, I hope I learned a few lessons myself.
What is your most recent parenting regret?
Do You Need More Reassurance That I’m Not Perfect? Read On!
Don’t Forget! Jump over to Kraft Food For Families each day to support a Canadian food bank! As I write this, over $69,000 has been donated! Here’s more info on why you should!
Have you entered this giveaway for W is for Wapiti!? It is a great gift idea for any child in your life! Hurry! Giveaway ENDS TONIGHT!
I am reading this and crying – I have reacted this way to DD and I am not proud of it. I need to get better at this. If you are bad, then we are all bad. Hugs.
I think we’re only bad in the same way that EVERYONE is bad sometimes. We’re just human. Imperfectly human. It is a good lesson for everyone to learn. We all need to get better at it, I am sure.
Laura recently posted..Not My Finest Hour
Oh dear, this is perfectly relatable (ie. I’ve gotten ticked with my kids way more than I care to admit… and yup there have been tears, etc). Well done for learning from it & apologizing… that’s all we can do, right?
Thanks. Despite learning, I’m sure there will be more situations like this, but hopefully fewer. It is slightly comforting to hear that this is relatable and that we all do it. I know it is true, but it is nice to hear, you know?
Laura recently posted..Not My Finest Hour
I have something in my eye…. Oh, no wait. I’m getting emotional. I’m excited to have kids but I know that they will test my patience every single day. As long as your kids know you love them, they’ll be alright!
You are so right. I hope that no matter what, my kids always know I love them.
It is funny how I can love my kids SO MUCH and think my life is SO MUCH better now that they are in it, but still wish away those tougher moments. I guess that is how a lot of things in life are – not just parenting. A good reminder to hold on to the important things, even when we’re a little fed up.
Laura recently posted..Not My Finest Hour
Laura, I dread nap time. As in, I dread going through the process before everyone’s asleep.
My toddler doesn’t leave my side. So when it’s time, I nurse the baby, who is impossible to nurse because his big brother is distracting him. When I get him latched on, I have to make sure he stays. And I can’t get boy #1 to stay still or be quiet. He’s on the bed with us, jumping around, or lying down and kicking pillows, or pounding his legs up and down. I have to whisper fierce, “Z, PLEASE be quiet, I’m trying to get the baby to sleep!”, to no avail.
The baby starts crying, of course, because he’s tired, so I’m bouncing him, trying to get him to sleep and the toddler is still doing some shenanigans. It takes 45 minutes to an hour before the baby falls asleep, and I have to hustle the toddler out before he does something else.
Putting him down for a nap is a 50/ 50 thing. Sometimes, he sleeps in 10 minutes (and I have to lie down with him, I can’t leave him in there by himself, he’ll scream), sometimes, way longer. If I’m lucky, he falls asleep and the baby is still sleeping, and I maybe get 30-60 minutes to do a few chores.
Every nap time, EVERY ONE, I’m feeling stressed and angry. I try not to show it to them, but sometimes, it’s impossible. I know I’m hurting everyone, and I feel awful. Just awful. So hugs all around. Sigh.
Alison recently posted..Sons And Daughters
Oh Alison, that sounds rough. Reminds me to be thankful for whatever semblance of a routine I have. Yesterday, the boys had an AWESOME nap, and they both woke up around the same time. I realized I was really thankful that their schedules were so synched up with one another.
I nurse Gavin in peace and quiet and darkness twice a day when I’m home with Cameron. Once in the morning for his first nap, and the second time I do it right after I put Cameron to bed. I totally turn on the TV and give Cam a snack when I leave him for the first time – and that’s kind of terrible of me, but it also works. And he now (usually) knows that I will be back (and he knows where I am if he needs me). Gavin won’t sleep if Cameron is around.
You’re an incredible Mom to do that every day! Don’t feel awful. It is tough work!
Laura recently posted..Not My Finest Hour
Oh my goodness, poor little guy, poor mama! I have a stubborn preschooler now and he can bring me to the end of my rope so fast some days. I have to remember to purposeuflly lower my voice and stay calm with my kids. I really have to work on the self parenting… How can we model love and patience if we don’t show it ourselves, sigh.
I loved your comment Gillian! It really took my goal in writing this post to another step. Self-parenting, self-love. You’re right. We need to be gracious with ourselves so that our children can also learn that they are worthy of the same. I’m going to try to remember to purposefully lower my voice and stay calm too.
Laura recently posted..Not My Finest Hour
I teared up a little too. Both because I’m completely exhausted and our nap time was a total shambles today. And also because I can relate to reacting badly to behaviour that interrupts my need for rest, and feeling terrible about it.
If it makes you feel any better Laura, I think this is a common thread for ALL moms. Not just you and I. In fact, I think part of this has to do with the fact that Gavin has not been sleeping at all at night this entire week. I got to the end of my rope last night around 5 and just wanted to walk out of the house and find a hotel room. I didn’t, but boy was I close.
I’m always amazed at how much I can do on so little sleep as a Mom. We really are built for this job. But that doesn’t mean that the sacrifices are easy or that we always deal with them well. Remember to give yourself grace sometimes too.
I hope you get some rest soon!
Laura recently posted..Not My Finest Hour
I foresee a lot of days like this in my future, unfortunately. I’m not the most patient person in the world as it is, but I get 100 times worse when I’m sleep deprived and exhausted. Especially if I have things on my to-do list that need to be done. I’ve had a lot of those not to proud mommy moments since I got pregnant, but it sounds like you handled it well. I think it’s important to explain to our kids that mommy (and daddy) isn’t perfect and to let them see us humble ourselves enough to apologize.
Courtney Kirkland recently posted..False Alarm…
Ha. Dare I say it? “Get your rest now?!” (No! I won’t say it! As if a Mama to one kid already can rest! As if a woman in the end of her pregnancy can rest! As if rest is like a bank that we can store it up for a rainy day! Stupid saying!)
I loved that you used the word “humble”. I wasn’t thinking of that word as I wrote the post, but I think that’s another important lesson children will learn when we reveal to them our imperfections. I love how God allows us to parent these beautiful children even when we’re not at our best.
Praying for you dear friend. You’re going to do awesome in the coming days and weeks and months and years! Don’t forget to grant yourself some grace today and tomorrow and in the exhausting days to come.
Laura recently posted..Not My Finest Hour
I could’ve written this myself. Not just the naps, but about our behavior when we’re tired & stressed. D and I had such a week. It all started on Sunday when I didn’t feel well and it just went downhill all week long. I was stressed, mad, upset that she wasn’t listening to me and frustrated that she was just being a…toddler. I was pouty and put out. But as always, I tell her I’m sorry, I ask her to forgive and I tell myself I’ll do better.
Thanks for writing this piece today. I really had felt alone & frustrated this week. I know logically that other parents go through this too, but hearing it helps me realize we’re all flawed and we’re all trying our best.
Rach (DonutsMama) recently posted..Thankful Thursday: Refocus
I like what someone commented on my Facebook wall today, and I hope it encourages you to: “The real lesson of Mommy’s humanity is so valuable. Also, that you apologized. That’s a lesson he can’t learn unless you make a mistake.” (Thanks to Stephanie Potter – @SJGPotter)
It sucks when we aren’t at our best. It can feel like our children are at a disadvantage. It can feel like they deserve so much more. But just feeling these things mean that we love our children so dearly. And we are all part of a flawed human race. But being vulnerable about these flaws and letting our children see that, we are teaching them great lessons for life.
(PS: I’m writing this all out for me too! xxoo)
Laura recently posted..Not My Finest Hour
Ohhh…Laura!!! Yesterday I yelled at Katie so, I understand all too well what it’s like to give in to the sweltering anger.
My girl was in a super cranky mood from the moment she woke up yesterday. When she’s cranky, she yells, loudly & a lot. She got at least 6 time outs in 2 hrs yesterday, then we had our incident. She wanted to help make a PB sandwich, she was standing on a chair, she tried to grab the knife out of my hand, I gave her a swift NO!, she yelled at me SO loudly, and I snapped. I screamed in her face “DO YOU LIKE IT WHEN I YELL AT YOU?! STOP YELLING AT ME!!!’ . She crumbled into a teary mess, I took her off her chair & told her to go have a timeout for yelling. She ran off crying & I followed, also crying. I scooped her up into my lap & we hugged & cried together. I told her that Mama loves her but yelling is not nice & that I was sorry for yelling at her.
We all have our moments where life gets to us & we crack. It’s ok. As long as we reassure our children that they are loved & safe, we’re doing our job.
You are an incredible Mama.
Paula, I have to admit, I laughed a bit while reading this. Not at your expense, and not at Katie’s… it is just that, I’ve been there – we’ve ALL been there. And it is absolutely ridiculous how a little two year old can get us SO MAD! (Yeah. I’ve been there).
It sounds like you did the very right thing in the end – you shared a time out for yelling, which allowed you two to fix your relationship and taught Katie and Mama a few valuable lessons. A lot like how my day went on Wednesday.
Thank you for being so candid. You too are an incredible Mama!
Laura recently posted..Not My Finest Hour
I’ve totally been there–many times. Thanks for being real. :)
Erin@TheHumbledHomemaker recently posted..32 Humbling Things About Me…On my 32nd Birthday
You are very welcome. Thank you for reminding me that I’m not alone!
Laura recently posted..How DavidsTea Won Me Over with Murky Green Liquid & Online Love
Parenting is the most rewarding and humbling experience of my life.
Two things surprise me:
1) I continue to make mistakes every.single.day – you’d think I’d learn
2) My child continues to forgive me – seriously, when I mess up royally, instead of shunning me, she just wants to “snuggle, Mama” – her sweet, forgiving attitude breaks me heart.
There’s a reason God is depicted as a Father; when I get impatient and upset, I try to recall the crap He has to put up with when “parenting” me…and how graceful He is.
I think the key is to admit when we’ve handled a situation inappropriately; just like our kids sometimes make unwise decisions, they need to know we screw up too.
I read something in a book recently that I’m trying to implement (but failing on it so far): make your voice softer according to how upset you are…kids will learn to respond accordingly, but it’s far less disruptive to the overall peace of the house.
Elisabeth recently posted..Just Keep Running, Just Keep Running…
Thank you so much for your insight Elisabeth! I kept nodding my head and saying “Yes! Definitely!” the whole time I read it!
I can say over and over again while I am in a good mood that I will soften my voice according to how upset I am, but when I get upset and frustrated and overwhelmed, even thinking that would make me angrier and I would likely reject it just because. It is amazing how we can transform into a totally different (and crappy) person when we’re upset. I know learning to act in a productive way while angry will be something I’ll need to practice.
Laura recently posted..How DavidsTea Won Me Over with Murky Green Liquid & Online Love
you know I empathize with you. I so totally have been there. how can 1 two-year old get me so upset? when I’m losing the nap time battle I have to tell myself that as much as I want “me” time, I need to just soak up some special “me and the toddler” time because these days will be gone before I know it…
also… “it’s me! Cameron O’Rourke!”?? hilarious.
Latitia recently posted..a tale of two births: part II
Funny, right? Until I completely lost my mind, I was giggling to myself as Cam was trying to get my attention. He was also calling for Dan (who wasn’t home). “Daddy! Open the door! Daddy O’ROURKE! OPEN THE DOOR!”
Laura recently posted..How DavidsTea Won Me Over with Murky Green Liquid & Online Love