There are stories we tell each other with vivid recounting of memories, include a funny anecdote or a surprise punch line that makes you feel like you were there. Then there are stories that don’t need to be told but are captured in a moment in time. Just by looking at an old snapshot, reading an old letter, or hearing an old song can transport you there. These were my stories that were boxed in a closet and forgotten for some time.
A little over a year ago the captain and I lived in a cramped New York city apartment with ONE closet with two kids! For thirteen years we cramped that closet full of things we did not think we would need, like old cassette tapes from our single lives, diaries and letters, the captain’s paintings from art school, the box with all our wedding treasures, baby toys, my old biker leather jacket and projects never finished. We dreaded having to open that closet until we had no choice, we had made the decision to move out.
the dreaded closet
We had decided we were going to give a lot away to good will. It felt good to purge and let go, yes even that leather biker jacket I loved so much. I had it set in my mind that we were moving which meant moving on, so purge .. purge… purge we did. With all the nervousness and stress that comes with moving I did not expect to find solace in this closet. This cathartic process helped me to find our past and where we began. “You need to know where you have been to know where you are going” took on real meaning then.
wedding box
Living in a small space for so long it is easy to neglect the trinkets you collect over time. We yearned for a bigger space for so long, it was getting hard to breathe, four of us in that 450 square feet space. In a small space you tend to grow closer but there was never enough privacy for any of us individually. New Yorkers tend to pride themselves on living in small spaces and wear it like a badge they “survived”. But I did not want to survive , I wanted to live.
Some things I did not expect … a year after living in a bigger space, I feel like I have more with less. We live more simply, spend more time on creative projects independently and really make the most of every moment together. I have the luxury to stay at home with my kids, where in NY I would work all the time and hardly ever see them. We worked hard to get to this point and even though we struggle having family far away, in the end we are happy to have made the move. Life is not about surviving it but living in each moment.
I commend you on giving up the “things” that kept you from living your life fully as the details of it changed. Sometimes those things are really things at all but a mindset. Love your voice – enjoy your space!
Andrea recently posted..A Post of Our Recent Family Vacation in 9 Pictures, Using Only 9 Words. Except My Words Are #prettylongbecauseIliketouselotsofwords
Thanks Andrea, I have adapted to change much easier since the big move. Coming from a small space we were always usually in the same room. Now in a bigger space we can enjoy time together and alone.
Alma recently posted..Currently on my needles
I love how you said that life is about living, not just surviving – so very true! I am glad that the move was a positive one for you and your family. It can be hard to make a change and leave things behind, but it can also open the door to many other wonderful things. :)
Kim@Co-Pilot Mom recently posted..Constellations
I used to feel guilty about not being happy enough in a small space. Thinking anyone would love to live in my apartment in the middle of one of the best neighborhoods in NY. As my family grew so did my need for change. Now I know it was the best thing for us. Thanks Kim!
Alma recently posted..Currently on my needles
I’m excited to spread out a little, though we were never in that tight of quarters!
It was so small I could not fit a coffee table in my living room. Now I have my feet up on the handmade one my captain made. To spread out with feet up is good , you are so right Angela!
Alma recently posted..Currently on my needles
Love this piece, Alma.
I have longed for a simple life for a while, to just live with what one truly needs.
When we moved to Canada we got rid of everything. We arrived with 14 boxes and 8 suitcases (7 of those boxes were toys!). In the last 5 years I have done a pretty good job of not letting “stuff” build up, but keeping it simple – and I enjoy it every single day!
Kerstin @ Auer Life recently posted..Summertime
Thanks Kerstin, my bloggy sister! We are going to have our first yard sale soon to get rid of more stuff this year. Yeah simple is our way of life here too.
Alma recently posted..Currently on my needles
Oh boy, Alma. That small a space seems like yes, you’d want to branch out, but at the same time, it’s taught you to conserve and be comfortable with being close. I liken it to being poor, then well off financially. Those things you did when poor that helped you scrimp and save will not be thrown to the wayside (unless you’re a rapper, of course); you learn from the experience. I’m glad you were able to spread out and give up even more stuff. I’m at the declutter stage now even though we ain’t goin’ nowhere.
Arnebya recently posted..Ignition
Yes, Arnebya the experience has taught me to conserve and live more with less for sure. I declutter little bits at a time, cant be done all at once for me. Think of it as a way of life instead of a task.
Rapper comment made me giggle. Hehehe
Love your perspective as always :)
Alma recently posted..Currently on my needles
We actually downsized from a smallish 3-bedroom, 3-floor house a few years ago, to a 720 sq. ft. cottage (and a 10×10 storage locker :-) ) – that purge really felt amazing. And, Freecycle and the Big Brother Big Sister Foundation were my friends! Time to do it all over again; the storage locker has gotten quite out of hand, actually. Every time I throw or give something away, I feel so much lighter… Nice to read your story, Alma!
Gurukarm recently posted..How Would You Survive?
Gurukarm we owned a small summer bungalow that we sold a few years ago. It was my favorite getaway. It was small and quaint by a lake. I loved just having the bear necessities to get away from the city. I have always dreamed of having a place like that again. I love that “lighter” feeling too.
Nice to see you here :)
Alma recently posted..Currently on my needles
When we moved into our current house I realized it was bout 200 square feet smaller than our last home. I still don’t think I’ve adjusted to having less space to “put things”, but I’m working on it, mostly by getting rid of things and only keeping what we need. It is a process, but I’ll eventually get there.
Jennifer recently posted..Smooth and Shiny
We had a small space and rented a storage space to put more stuff in the price of a studio space . Not having a lot of that stuff around helped me realized that I did not need a lot of it.
But then there are things that I did not realize I would want around like a coffee table and a screened back porch.
Alma recently posted..Currently on my needles
Oh yes. Some days are all about survival, but our lives should be for living. I agree, Alma. Each person needs to have room to breathe, I think, and come together by choice, not necessity.
Yes, Greta, especially for my son who will be 13 soon. It is so important to have your own space/room at that age without his little sister going through his stuff.
Alma recently posted..Currently on my needles
We moved into a “bigger” 720 sqft apartment when I was pregnant with Cameron. It was always meant to be extremely temporary. We had the chance to move into a not-much-bigger rental house after Cameron was born but I knew I did not want to go through the stress of moving until we found somewhere long term. So we “survived” in 720sqft for a total of four years. We brought 2 babies home to that 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom rental unit. (With no additional storage unit or locker anywhere).
There were so many times when I hated it. It is hard to hate your “home”. But I tried so hard to make it work for us. I was trying to hard to be grateful for what we had and to figure out how to simplify. We managed. But yes, we were only surviving.
Thank you so much for sharing this with my blog, Alma. Your perspective will sound unique to a lot of people but it definitely mirrors some of my experience.
Living in that home was not so bad when our son was a baby but as he grew it got to be too much. It was an old fashioned “rail road” apartment where all the rooms connect… so no privacy. It was hard to hate it still because it was the most sought out neighborhood (close to everything like museums, good schools, gardens, malls, boutiques, libraries and small bookstore). There was always a movie being filmed in our block because it was so nice too. it was strange to live in a place that small and have million dollar homes around you, famous people living on my block too.
It just was not for me anymore. I wanted to leave that life of busy streets.
Thanks for letting me share my story Laura. I am so glad I did :)
Alma recently posted..Currently on my needles
Living, not surviving. That is indeed, a goal to aspire to. And I’m glad to see your porch pictures, because yes, I can see your life well lived.
I have lived in a 400 square foot studio apartment, an 800 square foot 2-bedroom/ 1 bathroom apartment, then a 1,200 square foot 3 bedroom/ 2 bathroom apartment (the latter is the home we brought our firstborn home to). With each ‘upgrade’, it still felt small at the time.
What I didn’t realize was, it didn’t feel small, it just didn’t feel like HOME. Our current apartment? Feels like home. Though I’m still yearning for a house. One with a backyard. And neighbors down the road rather than above and below us. Some day soon.
Lovely to see you here!
Alison recently posted..Abundance
I think we always need to give something up, for you the back yard and for me its the convenience of not having everything at walking distance. Needing a car for everything has been the biggest adjustment for me. You see, I don’t drive yet. In NY there was no need for it. Now it is a new thing I gotta do and get over the fear. It is something I still haven’t spoken about yet. But change is good, learning new things too.
I hope you get your back yard soon, my kids love it but are still pretty much city kids. They are growing into it slowly.
Alma recently posted..Currently on my needles
I love this message so much. It isn’t about surviving. I want to live too! I purged so much stuff with our recent move(s) and after all was said and done it feels good. I felt…lighter. We’re doing more with less here in our rental house and I feel very content with that. I love that you all have space now for your creative endeavors :)
I know you can relate with the part of purging, I remember you writing about that when you were moving. Our home here is a rental too but still feel blessed to have the room to make it our own. Looking back I am glad I made the move, I my relationship with my captain is so much tighter now too.
Thanks Sarah, for commenting. always love you sweet words and perspective :)
Alma recently posted..Currently on my needles
This is terrific. I agree- purging that stuff feels sooooo good. (Says the packrat over here.)