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a blog by Laura O'Rourke

grace in the moment

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Home for the Holidays

Autumn Leaves

There’s just something about this place. There’s something about the big tree in the backyard that is filling our lawn with red and orange leaves. There is something about little boys in their slightly-too-large coats running over those leaves with toy lawnmowers. There is something about the sun streaming in through the big living room window and the pink polka-dotted plant growing on the sill above the kitchen sink. There is something about our big bed that fits Mommy and Daddy and two little boys comfortably, with room.

Gavin playing outside

I am at home here.

Feeling at home.

That’s an evocative statement, isn’t it?

Home is where the heart is.
Make yourself at home.
Close to home.

Home is more than just the place we go to at the end of the day. Home is more than our shelter. Home is more, even, then where your family is.

I am unsure when I last felt truly at home with where I lived. Perhaps not since my family moved when I was in eleventh grade from the home we had built, although living at my grandparent’s  house afterwards was as close to perfectly familiar as could be. From the house we moved into to university residences and apartments, to the multiple post-wedding dwellings, every space just felt out of place or temporary or cramped or suffocating.

Home isn’t just were the heart is. Home is where your heart returns to. Home is where your heart rests.

Wooden Pumpkin from Loblaws

When I am asked how I feel now that I am in this new house, I can’t express it in words. I just open up my arms. I feel… like I can breathe, finally. I feel… like I am finally at home.

I am often overwhelmed with a sense of peace and contentment in this home. When I send my boys out back to play, which was never a possibility at our old apartment, I feel it. When I go to bed at the end of the day leaving messes on the floor and in the kitchen, but realizing the mess isn’t debilitating, I feel it. When every single member of my family is over for the night and we can accommodate each and every one of them, I feel it.

Cameron playing outside

Thanksgiving is warmth and family and laughter and togetherness. Never has a “home” of mine been able to accommodate this. Until this past weekend. On Sunday I cooked a turkey, pushed two tables together, blew up an air mattress, and welcomed five additional adults and two additional kids to our home.

My husband will tell you that I get stressed out at times like these. And I do. With a whole home to clean, a feast to cook, groceries to purchase, new recipes to try, and children underfoot, there is a lot to do and a lot that needs to go right. I make lists and stay up too late and hyperventilate a little all while shooting glares at whomever so dares to sit down while I am run off my feet. But I want things to be just right. I want to be ready. I want our guests – my family – to feel at home, like they can rest here. Like they don’t have a care in the world. Like life here is effortless. I want them not to think about the house so that we can think about, and enjoy, each other.

Autumn garland from Loblaws

As we sat around the mismatched tables, amidst all the chaos of screaming babies and wiggling toddlers and preschoolers not eating their dinner and sisters and mothers and fathers and husbands making jokes, I felt it. This was the home I have been dreaming about. This was the home I knew I wanted. This was everything I need in a home. This is what thankful looks like and sounds like and tastes like this year.

Home.

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Comments

  1. I love this post, Laura – so beautiful. I felt it, too, like I would feel at home in your new place (I don’t mean it in a way that’s as creepy as this sounds).
    We’ve owned our house for almost 6 years now and I still feel that way about it.
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  2. I love that you finally feel at home. Everything else in life just looks a smidgen brighter, doesn’t it? Even with the additional busyness.
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  3. Oh, how lovely. You describe home so beautifully, Laura. I feel the same way about our home, too.
    Today I had an appreciate look around and thought how I love it here – must be something about the holiday.
    And I know exactly what you mean about getting the house ready; I stress before the visit so that we can relax and enjoy during the visit. :)

  16. To feel it, that’s where your heart needs to be. I’m glad that you can smother yourself in all the good that fills your home….and your soul.
    I had to giggle at the oversized coat part. How true is that? I don’t think my son has ever fit in a coat that is “just right”.
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