It’s a proven fact that a couple’s sex life can wax and wane during the years of marriage. Certain things like work stress and travel, the birth of children and even our own insecurities can get in the way of a healthy and regular sex life. Well, that’s just a shame! Because sex is good and fun and well, a great way to relieve stress, actually!
In the last few years my husband, Tim and I (that’s us above) have dealt with a few issues in this area, as I think many couples do. Thankfully, we have both been willing to communicate and share our feelings with each other on the topic and we are in a good place. So, I wanted to share with you all some of things we do to keep “the spark alive” in our own marriage. (and just a hint: most of these things lead to that word… S.E.X.)… ;)
Go on “Date Night”s
Tim and I try to go on a date once a month. Thankfully we are able to fit one in pretty much every month. We also go to lunch together alone on days when all the kids are in school and we can both make time for it. Occasionally we have lunch at home, where it is quiet (if you know what I mean).
I cannot express how much this helps our marriage; the time for just the two of us to talk and laugh and even remember things in our history together is invaluable. Reconnecting is a big part of marriage, especially when you have younger children that take so much attention and energy.
This also goes along with weekends away, if you can swing one of those occasionally too. Or even just one night away in a near-by hotel works!
Send messages/texts
Little emails, IMs or texts during the day expressing to your spouse how you feel are a good way to spark things for that evening. These messages also keep them thinking about YOU throughout the day, even during a day that may be extra stressful, because it always helps to get a message from your partner. Additionally, it takes very little time to send a loving text. All I’m saying is I know for a fact that this has worked in my marriage, for both of us. Giving and receiving.
Spend time apart
This may seem counterintuitive but it is so true. You know that saying, “absence makes the heart grow fonder?” Tim and I are always extra happy to see each other after we’ve been away from each other for a day or two. Plus, I am a very social person and just need time out with my friends, which I am usually able to enjoy a couple times a month. That time away from the craziness of our daily life gives me more balance as a wife and a mother. It lessens my stress level and even helps me to value my marriage more. And, I realize that it is possible that I could have no one to come home to and I feel blessed that this is not the case.
Do something unexpected
Maybe it’s been a LONG time since your spouse saw you in sexy lingerie… Perhaps you just cannot seem to part with that super soft, XL t-shirt that is just now broken-in but you know you look sorta frumpy wearing? Well then, surprise him one night with something lacy instead. This is just one example of something you could do to ignite the flames.
You could also book a babysitter as a surprise one night (that’s a suggestion is also for the guys out there…)
This next one is sort of along the same lines…
Make an effort
Ladies shave your legs every other day instead of once a month. Maybe go back to wearing some perfume that your guy loves every-now-and again. Men, bring home flowers and/or chocolate (especially at a certain time of the month). You know, pretend like you’re dating again. Like you’re still trying to “woo” your partner. Not only are these things thoughtful but they also bring back that old feeling of those days when life was more simple and sex was well, easier. Sounds good to me!
P.S. A man cleaning the kitchen can be considered foreplay in our household…
What do you and your spouse do to keep the spark alive in your marriage? I would love to hear any other suggestions you may have!
Good advice, Elaine! Especially the lunch.
anna whiston-donaldson recently posted..How (NOT) to Save on School Supplies
Thanks Anna. Yeah, that’s a good one. ;)
My husband is super hot when he unloads the dishwasher or folds the laundry. So true.
tracy recently posted..My First Stitch Fix Was A Big #fail
What about taking out the trash? Oh man, that gets me hot! ;-0
Oh how I needed these reminders. You have no idea!
And the fact that I have nothing to add shows just how much I needed these reminders. ;-)
Jennie Goutet recently posted..Rare Bird
Ha, Jennie! You crack me up. Glad I could help reminder you… ;)
Nothing makes me want to jump my husband more when I see him being a dad to the kids. Which is an inconvenient time, heh. :)
Alison recently posted..I Am A Good Mother
Ha, maybe at THAT time but you can certainly save the thought for later! ;)
I like my husband best when he’s in the kitchen :D – but I’m open to him cleaning up anywhere in the house ;)
Great advice, Elaine – and not talked about often enough!
Kerstin @ Auer Life recently posted..Coming Out
I agree it’s not talked about enough, and why is that? We’re “embarrassed” right? That’s dumb. ;)
Great post! I think, the trick here – as in everywhere else in a marriage – is not so much a trick at all.
As long as everyone keeps moving towards a common goal together, the waxing and waning isn’t such a big deal.
As far as “tips” go, making an effort is important, but as a mammal I reserve my right to woo, even while hairy! :D Winter wooing is a thing! And winter in Canada is COLD!
Perhaps I’ve said too much? ;)
Peady recently posted..Saturday Silliness
Men in Canada have a different hairy-leg tolerance. At least I hope. Ha! :)
Laura O’Rourke recently posted..5 Ways to Keep The Spark Alive
Ha ha! I believe it, “winter wooing”, that is. We don’t really have too much of that here. We wear shorts and skirts about 8 months out of the year, so… But I could be down with some winter wooing as long as I was under the covers constantly. LOL!
You mention a common goal and I think that is where the “tricky” part comes in. Sometimes there is not a common goal. I know because I’ve been there in my marriage and that is something that a couple has to work through, if that is the case. And it can be done. However, the “waxing and waning” is also up for interpretation and different to each person.
But I agree, once you GET THERE, it can and hopefully will be awesome! :D
Elaine A. recently posted..Keeping The Spark Alive…
Great reminders, Elaine! Time spent together one-on-one is key for us. But really, any time we are actually enjoying each other’s company is a good way to keep the spark alive!
Andrea recently posted..Summer by the Numbers
Yes, Andrea, I would say “enjoying” each other’s company is key! ;-) Thanks!
I love this reminder that I should be my husband’s girlfriend again, not just his wife. It’s a great way to stay married and stay happy! Nicely done, Elaine!
Dr. G recently posted..3 Strategies for Reducing Parent Stress at #BacktoSchool Time
What a great compliment coming from you, my friend, who always has good advice! :D Thank you!!
Such little things can really make a difference, can’t they?
Hmmmm, one more year until Dylan is in full-day school, so we can have lunch at home. Where it’s quiet.
angela recently posted..The Super Run makes running fun
I do believe they can. :) And yes, your lunch plans will change for the better. ;)
So great for you to write and share this. I’m all at once tiny bit jealous and then so proud of your voice and your stance.
Making the time, being a girlfriend, the extraordinary in ordinary things…yes to all of it.
This is really fantastic Elaine. xo
Kir recently posted..Summer Bloggin’ (Old School Blogging)
Aw, thanks Kir. I heart you!!
The effort, when one is tired or cranky or otherwise disinterested, can be key. Plus, like you said, sex is a definite stress reliever. Bodies are hilarious. (One admonition against what you text: if your kids are little enough and use your spouse’s phone for, say, entertainment on car rides that boob shot you send as a midday pick me up may have your 7 yr old disgusted. So I’ve heard).
Arnebya recently posted..Finding All of the Lost Toys on Mamalode
Yeah, I’ve heard that too… ;)
One of the things I’ve looked forward to most about the kids being in school is being able to go to lunch with my husband again. We don’t get much alone time, just the 2 of us, without the lure of dishes and school lunches and work.
Also, he is a master vacuumer. Love that about him.
Leigh Ann recently posted..first day of first grade photo bonanza
Is “master vacuumer” code for something or does he ACTUALLY vacuum? If so I would totally keep him. ;-p
You are so saucy! I love it. Women don’t talk about it often enough, but I think you’re right on the mark. Our physical connections are so tied to our mental connections, and that is the hardest part sometimes (pun intended). ;-)
Kristin Shaw recently posted..Friday Favorites – August 29