Dusk tapered into darkness, trees dappling the horizon behind the storied stage of The Muny in St. Louis. I sat with a girlfriend, letting the magic of live theater add to the beauty of the night, our kids tucked snuggly into bed by our husbands in my friend’s new home. We seat danced, just a little, to songs so deeply ingrained in the fabric of our memories that we were able to look at each other and grin when they censored a few words during “Greased Lightning.”
We returned late. She slid into her bedroom while I washed off makeup and brushed teeth in a sink that had become familiar during our visit. When I opened the door to the guest room, Ryan was awake. His laptop sat open on his lap, and we chatted until my eyelids grew heavy — the conversation flitting from the view of the city from the Arch to the never-ending list of house projects that looms over so many of our decisions.
For years, we were able to talk all the time. Over dinner, at coffee shops while coffee grew cold on the table between us, with our feet propped on the couch during a lazy Saturday, on car rides with the music playing whatever we wanted to hear — regardless of the child-friendliness of the music.
Now, two children later, our conversations are different.
We text during the day, phone calls difficult to fit between his meetings and our children’s ability to increase their volume ten-fold whenever they see the phone at my ear. A conversation started during dinner is stopped and re-started seventeen times before we leave the table. With chatty kids excited to share their day with Daddy, what we want to discuss fades into the background.
Like the T-Birds in Grease, we “Keep talking, whoa, keep talking.”
You’d think our words would tumble on top of each other when we finally find ourselves alone. Yet, stalled dinner conversations stay on pause for a while after the kids go to bed. We sit side-by-side many nights, working on laptops and trying to fight against the numbers on the clock that seem to move too quickly against a deadline.
Words fly so quickly from my fingers, but they’re filling the screen in front of me instead of the space between us on the couch or across the office.
Instead we find our words in the minutes and hours before sleep forces itself upon us.
Inklings of ideas snuffed to silence by a six-year old’s rendition of Annie take shape while the rest of the house slumbers. I’ve come to overlook the TV in the bedroom, one of the things we’ve discussed time and again during the years we’ve been together. Some conversations thrive with the background noise, our laughter mingling with the low rumbling of characters on the screen.
Our fingers, no longer scurrying across a keyboard, find each other. Our hands link and our voices coalesce, and our marriage grows stronger with each conversation in the darkness.
When do you find the time to have uninterrupted conversations with your spouse?
As always, your words are lovely, Angela!
My husband and I talk all the time. After the kids go to bed, and while we’re watching TV (yeah, we’re one of those people), just before I go to sleep (he sleeps later than me), and during dinner out when we manage to eke some time out to do so. Our conversations revolve around the children only half the time, the other half, we talk about his work, mine, politics, funny things we see on the Internet, household things,
I’m glad you and your husband still talk. It’s such a big part of a good marriage.
Alison recently posted..Once Upon A Time
Isn’t it funny how the kids become a topic of so many of the conversations? I love that you spend the time to talk about other things, too!
Angela Amman recently posted..Marriage, Grease, and stalled conversations
Thank you so much for having me and sharing my words :)
angela recently posted..Marriage, Grease, and stalled conversations
Yes! Talking is so important, and we usually find time at 6 am… I have made it a habit of getting up early with my husband (even though I could easily sleep until 7) to spend some time talking, without the kids.
So good to read your words here, my friend! xox
Kerstin @ Auer Life recently posted..Coming Out
As I was reading this, I thought ..”this is so much like Angela” to get right to the heart of the matter.
John and I commute together, so we do talk a lot. Mostly about the boys but often about other things too. Or we sing the lyrics to the songs we are listening to in the car and communicate in that way. :)
I’m happy for the time we have in the car because once we get home we normally go to opposite of the house and don’t talk …not really talk,..until we are at work or in the car again. But we make the time, it’s just in very unexpected and often unconventional places.
I’m glad you’re talking ! xo
Kir recently posted..My Summer of Change
One of my favorite things is having meaningful conversations with my husband on the quiet couch or in bed just before we go to sleep. So many of our conversations are just like you described – about kids, the house, work – but once in a while a ravine of conversation opens up and we lose ourselves in it.
Leigh Ann recently posted..I thought we had a little more time
As soon as I started reading, I knew it was Angela. :-) Her words are so beautiful.
We talk in much the same way. But friends of ours suggested we try spending time in the kitchen while I prepare dinner – him cleaning, me cooking, us talking. We haven’t yet put it into practice (because we had real obstacles), but we plan to.
Jennie Goutet recently posted..Photos of Dinan
I love it so much that you quoted the T-birds from Grease!!!!!!! And I so relate to all the interrupted conversations.
I love talking with Tim and sometimes write down things (or put them in my phone) that I want to tell him when we do finally get a chance to talk. It definitely strengthens the marriage and the friendship.
Angela Youngblood recently posted..Summer Isn’t Over Yet
We talk every night before bed, recounting our day and just catching up. It’s so nice. This is SO important in marriage. What a great post to remind us… :)
I realized recently that, for a variety of reasons, my husband and I barely talk at all. Sometimes we try during dinner, but we always get interrupted. This is a great reminder, Angela. (And censoring Greased Lightning?! For shame!) ;)
Robin @ Farewell, Stranger recently posted..Robin Williams, Suicide and the Effect on Others