“Mama! Mama! MESS! Mess Mama!”
You were frantic, pointing down at the filthy floor and examining your now soiled sock.
You, my sweet boy, are so much like me. I keep seeing this. You like the feeling of multiple blankets on top of you when you go to sleep and you prefer them to be smooth. You line up your toy cars perfectly even in the midst of playing, because even if they are not where they belong (which they rarely are), they need to be orderly. And you hate getting your socks dirty.
And so, you’ve taken to pointing out all the messy spots in our house, perhaps to avoid the feeling of crumbs underneath your nimble little toddler toes.
“Mama! MESS Mama!”
Sigh.
Oh, Baby. That mess that you are so concerned about? It wasn’t there five minutes ago. Five minutes ago there was a clean floor. Today I swept and even spot scrubbed that floor that you are standing on. I did that because I know how quickly crumbs and dust begin to pile up with an almost-two year old running and eating in this house (and shh, don’t tell Daddy, but the floor always needs a good sweeping after he cooks too!) So, even though I am 30ish weeks pregnant, even though my back aches and my stomach feels like it couldn’t get any heavier, I sweep and sit, sweep and sit until the floor is spotless. Because, Cameron, I love you. And I want your world to be safe and clean.
Five minutes ago, this floor was clean.
And then you had lunch. And after lunch, you threw your plate on the floor because you were ALL DONE! and Mama wasn’t able to get up out of her seat fast enough to take your plate from you. So instead, like the reasonable almost-two year old that you are, you threw your plate full of chicken nuggets and plum sauce and fries and ketchup onto the floor.
And I looked at you and tried to remember why I even bother.
Because five minutes ago? This floor was clean. A cleanliness that lasted pretty much as long as lunch did.
And now? “MESS Mama!” You’re insistent. Pointing out how I have failed you.
Sometimes, being your mother, the mother of a toddler, feels like an act in futility. I clean up your toys each time you go to bed, and you wake up, thrilled to find your cars and trains so orderly. But then you play. You play and you mess. And I trip over balls and big plastic trains and blocks. I give you food and the floor I just cleaned is just as dirty. I set up an activity that you ask for only to have you walk away, uninterested. Sometimes I feel like I am trying so hard and getting absolutely no where.
But I love you. So I make your food. I give you crayons to colour with. I clean up your toys and I sweep up the floor underneath your feet.
Still, our life is messy.
I cook. And I feed. And I clean up. And I pick up. And I sweep. And then, I sit down and take a breath,
And you come over. And you hand me a hockey stick. “GOAL!” Or you start driving a toy car over my legs, my belly. Or you climb up on top of me and snuggle into that spot between my belly and the armrest where you fit so perfectly, and you rest your head against my shoulder, and you just sit.
And the mess fades away. Our dirty socks and our imperfect nature no longer matter. It is just you and me. Mommy and son. Messy and imperfect and loved.
*Some of the photos in this post were meant to be part of my Faces of a Family project. But this weekend, as I was sitting down, feeling utterly overwhelmed and exhausted, I decided to stop the project. I knew I should be picking up my camera and snapping some photos, but I just didn’t have it in me. I think as the year progresses, as my pregnancy progresses and as a newborn enters our life, I am going to have more of these moments. So, for now, the project is on hold.*
Lovely.
Thanks so much Mom!
Laura recently posted..Mess Mama!
Oh it is a constant battle. Just think what our house would look like if we NEVER cleaned up after lunch or put their toys away…we would be on the next Hoarders :)
Natalie recently posted..Wordless Wednesday: Bump Style
Oh – I don’t have to wonder what my house would look like if we NEVER cleaned up after lunch or put their toys away. It would look like my bedroom. We keep that door closed for a reason! #confession
Laura recently posted..Mess Mama!
I could have written this post myself. Because life with noah is the SAME way. It’s a constant walk around and pick up behind him thing. Dropping crumbs and spilling juice…knocking over blocks and stringing cars from one end of the house to the other. You have the right to be tired. You DESERVE to just sit and rest. :) Hopefully you can find some down time to relax soon!!
Courtney Kirkland recently posted..Why I Do What I Do
I think there are SO many Mothers who can understand this. I am finding ways to rest and relax, although they require taking on new responsibilities and tasks that are ALSO tiring (see upcoming post). It is a constant balancing act, isn’t it? I wake up an hour before the rest of the family so that I can find some down time, which cuts down on my sleeping time… so am I really winning?
I keep waiting for the day when our children will pick up after themselves and think about the clean-up we have to do each time they throw a morsel of food on the floor or leave a car in a far corner… but I’m pretty sure that will never happen. The items left around needing to be picked up will just change.
Laura recently posted..Mess Mama!
I’ve missed your writing. It’s too funny that Cameron wants you to clean up–Donut has a habit of crawling around the floor and handing me any crumb that she finds. Makes me feel like I ought to sweep more often!
Rach (DonutsMama) recently posted..Life’s Lessons: Here We Go Again
First of all – THANK YOU! I miss writing! I am trying to do it more often. Lets see how that goes!
Secondly, how weird is it that this itty-bitty little humans can make us feel SO inadequate and yet so friggen’ awesome all at the same time? Tonight, Cameron was asking me to get him milk AND snap up his pjs at the same time. I felt like I needed to explain to him that I am not superwoman, but it was pretty cool to think that maybe he thinks I CAN do all things for him (all at once).
Laura recently posted..Mess Mama!
ha! our Bean is obsessed with messes too. “mess” is one of her favourite words. I’ve started teaching her how to use the dustpan….
Latitia recently posted..when to draw the line
We totally meant to get Cameron a play broom and dustpan for his birthday but never got around to it. He is pretty good at cleaning up, as you heard on Sunday, assuming the song is sung. “Clean up – everybody! Clean up – share!” Haha!
Laura recently posted..TWO!
“I keep waiting for the day when our children will pick up after themselves and think about the clean-up we have to do each time they throw a morsel of food on the floor or leave a car in a far corner… but I’m pretty sure that will never happen. The items left around needing to be picked up will just change.”
Haha, I was always bad at this as a kid – and I’m better now, but if you looked at my house you’d never know it. I still can’t seem to put everything away.
It’s a constant battle for tidyiness and discipline. No criticism, merely suggestion: we have the kids clean up after themselves most of the time. My children have been taught to put their plastric dishes/cups/bottles in the kitchen sink. (Thet don’t always remember but I can ask them and they will usually do it quickly. If one of them throws food on the floor, I have THEM pick it up. It teaches them to clean up AND helps discourage the ehavior in the first place! Your son s over 2, I would highly recommetd starting to get him invovled with cleaning up his things :)
Also ‘I think as the year progresses, as my pregnancy progresses and as a newborn enters our life, I am going to have more of these moments. ” Having jsut gone through this phase I can COMPLETELY relate. However, I was amzed at how much more energy I had after the baby was born, despite actually getting less sleep. Things will get better, hang in there!
Gillian recently posted..As a parent, this is exactly what I’m afraid of…
Cam just turned two, but we do work with him to clean up certain things. He is actually pretty good with cleaning up his toys if we tell him it is clean-up time. He sings the clean-up song “Clean up, clean up, everybody, everywhere. Clean up, clean up, everybody do your share”. If we don’t sing it with him, he sings it himself, although he misses most of the words! :) And he rarely throws food on the floor, but because he still sits in his highchair to eat, it isn’t easy to make him clean that up yet.
The thing is, I think I have made my child slightly OCD about cleanliness. After he eats, he asks for us to clean his hands. I can often hand him a cloth and he will wipe himself (hands, face, and any messy clothes). The whole “mess mama!” thing actually seems like he is trying to be helpful. When I sweep, he points out dirt on the floor. So, he does have a clean-mentality, he just doesn’t realize it can seem kind of demanding! :)
Laura recently posted..TWO!
Oh, I got them impression you cleaned up everything for him (you said you put his toy s away etc in the post).
Well, highchair or not I started making James pick up food he threw on the floor way back (12 months, earlier?)- after he was done eating, I’d put him on the floor to help clean up. I’d hold the bowl or whatever and have him pick up the little pieces. Of course, now they don’t usually throw it on the floor they jsut drop crumbs.. and I don’t make them clean those up.
The best way for him to learn to think about the clean up involved with the mess made etc, is to have him help with it. But like I said some people are better at keeping things clean than others. I understand how quickly messes are made, how clutter piels up – but it’s not enough to stop my tendency to drop things on the nearest flat surface!