Groundhog Day

I’ve never seen the movie Groundhog Day so I probably won’t make an entirely appropriate cultural reference, but I get the gist.  And I feel like I am stuck in my own personal Groundhog Day hell.  Actually, I feel as if I am stuck in a Groundhog Day loop that repeats a day three months ago.  Or, more specifically, repeats a night.  Lots of nights.

For a while, before we sleep-trained Cameron, he was pretty much waking up every hour of the night.  It was exhausting and frustrating.

And then, we sleep-trained him.  And he slept through the night.  Cue angels singing the Hallelujah Chorus.
And all was good.  Mommy was happy.  Daddy was happy.  Cameron was rested.

And now, somehow we’re back to the old system of sleep.  The one where no one gets any sleep – especially Mom.

I have no idea what to attribute this to.  It could be that we are somewhere new and that Cameron isn’t sleeping in his usual bed.  It could be that he seems to have come down with a pesky cold.  It could be that little tooth on the bottom that is making an appearance.  Or, it could be that this is just the result of sleep habits that have been slowly getting worse instead of better.

What’s frustrating is that although I sleep-trained before, it doesn’t seem to be working any more.  Cameron seems to be too smart for me.  Unless I plan to leave him crying in his bed for the entire night, I’m left comforting him and nursing until it hurts.  And I find myself awake for more than half of the night.

I’m left feeling frustrated at night and exhausted during the days.

All the while, I’m doing this all alone, and I’ve got another person to care for – a teenager no less.  And I fear that my frustration and exhaustion that comes with mothering a sleepless baby is making it difficult for me to be a good big sister.  I am making sure her needs are met and that she is safe, but I just can’t find the energy to be as friendly and as sisterly as I would like.

I don’t know how single mothers do it.  I don’t know how mothers with more than one child do it.  All I know is that right now, I am struggling.

I’m really hoping that tonight will be the end of this Groundhog Day nightmare, but I’m not optimistic.