I kind of feel bad about yesterday’s post. I feel bad that I was busy feeling sorry for myself when my baby was going from “coming down with a pesky cold” to being in a full blown respiratory disaster. He currently sounds like an old lady who has been smoking all her life, and his laughs and cries are completely indistinguishable from his barking cough.
My baby is sick.
My heart is broken.
I really am amazed at how love changes things. I totally admit to dreading the thought of my child getting sick – obviously because I don’t want him to suffer, but also because the thought of caring for someone who is sick is just so overwhelming. Just think about it: staying up all night, cleaning up sick, likely catching it yourself… It all just sounds too hard.
But when someone I love actually gets sick, there is nothing I would rather do than take care of them. It is hard, but it is also so natural (kind of like Motherhood).
Despite my utter exhaustion, I managed to joyfully* (not to be confused with happily) spend the majority of last night awake comforting, soothing and snuggling my baby.
Every time Cameron coughed, my heart broke. Every time he whimpered in misery, I wanted to cry. How could I even continue to think about my sleep frustrations when my poor little child was suffering so much? There is nothing I wouldn’t do to take that sickness from him. But, there is nothing I can do. Nothing but try to comfort my little baby.
And that’s just it about love, isn’t it? Love isn’t simply sympathetic – recognizing the pain of others. Love isn’t simple empathetic – sharing in that pain. Love is being so broken from that pain that our heart knows nothing else but to act. Love is making chicken noodle soup. Love is cleaning up vomit. Love is changing diapers. Love is staying up all night.
*Those whose minds are shaped by selfless thoughts give joy when they speak or act. Joy follows them like a shadow that never leaves them. – Buddha
It is beautiful to hear how you found joy in comforting Cam xx