Becoming a mother is a wonderful thing. All of a sudden a sweet new life creates an abundance of love that colours life from that moment on. Wide eyes, full smiles, bubbly giggles. Helping, teaching, exploring the world through fresh eyes.
Being a mother is wonderful.
It can also be soul-crushing.
Despite filling our lives with little beings who need us desperately, it can be hard to measure our worth when we are faced with all of these social expectations that are thrust upon us. What is my worth if maternity leave and motherhood is halting my career prospects? What is my worth if having a child means putting off going back to school? What is my worth if every minute of my time is spent defining someone else‘s worth and never doing anything to better myself, pamper myself and develop myself? What is my worth if all I am is mother?
This is something I’ve been struggling with as I’ve entered motherhood. I love being Mother. I take great pride in this role and I count is as one of my most valued assets and greatest accomplishments.
But what about the other parts of me? What about the little girl who told adults that she wanted to be a pilot, a doctor, an architect? A teacher? What about those parts of me that are passionate about more than just sippy cups and diapers and ring-around-the-rosy?
Even if motherhood seems to hide them for a minute, I’ve slowly grown to realize that these parts of me will slowly surface. Bit by bit, the fostering of passions start blossoming into an expression of self that may not be what I anticipated it to look like.
But it is still me.
I have always found expression through writing. I am sure that as soon as I could pick up a pencil, I was penning poems. I can easily measure periods of my life through of pages of a journal, entries in a blog, and pieces of creativity meant for either school or play. I have always loved creating art by rearranging letters.
Yet, I’ve never known how to define myself through my writing. Am I good? Can turn this creativity into a profession?
Does it matter?
While I’ve been struggling to find the me within the Motherhood, I’ve been writing. And unknowingly, I’ve been defining myself all along.
Recently, I came home from work to a surprise put together from my husband.
There, on the kitchen table, was a “Writer’s Tool-Kit” complete with a typewriter, a notebook, On Writing by Stephen King, and some hand-crafted coupons that would enable me to carve quiet times to write.
In his own way, my husband had done more for me than I could have possibly imagined. He validated my passion. You are good! he told me. He supported my passion. Now write something!
I am a mother. I am a wife.
And also?
I am a writer.
Now, I must go write something.
This is lovely. Your husband is so supportive of you…what a good man. How exciting to be starting a new chapter in your life!
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Thank you so much Stephanie! It is so wonderful when my husband is able to show his support in such tangible ways. It reminds me to be as supportive as him as I possibly can be as well!
Kudos to Dan for affirming your gifts! So thoughtful. I have also sturggled with the “is this all I am???” of young motherhood. And no, it’s not all, but i is a pretty big chunk at this point, and I am becoming okay with that. These years are intense, but short (so I’m told!), and there will be many, many more in which I can spend more time developing those other aspects of me.
Rae recently posted..Wordless Wednesday
I am thankful that I am not the only Mom who feels these things. But you’re right – this is just a season – and one I wouldn’t give up for the world. The person that I am now is so very much a mother that I wouldn’t want to define myself without that quality present.
As an 11 year + mom, I can testify that moms learn that it is the very person we think is “lost” who is expressing herself in every aspect of mothering. As I watch my girls develop, I see things about me more clearly. Things that were embryonic before they came in to my life. I believe that mothering is a tough, multifaceted job that brings out the worst and the best in us. I have become who I am because of my kids – without them, I would have been more two dimensional. And I know my passions and talents in ways I could never have known them before.
And I, too, affirm Dan’s role in blessing you with this encouragement! Good men bring out the best in their wives.
As an aside, I find this blog very encouraging – http://www.aholyexperience.com/
Elis, I absolutely LOVE how you put that. “Moms learn that it is the very person we thing is ‘lost’ who is expressing herself in every aspect of mothering”. I find that idea simply beautiful and encouraging. Thank you so much for sharing how that illustrates itself in your life while you mother your girls.
By the way, Laura, your writing is awesome! Keep it up!
Thank you! :)
What a wonderful, wonderful gift from your husband! You are so lucky to have such a supportive man at your side, pushing you and encouraging you to chase down and go after what you want. What a blessing! You ARE a writer. You have a beautiful talent with words. Just the other day, while I was working on your design, I showed my husband what it was I was working on. Showed him your blog. He got hooked reading one of your posts and even said himself, “Wow! She’s good!” Chase down what you want. Because you have it in you. You don’t have to STOP being you or beat down your dreams because you’re a mom. Go for it, girl. We’ll all be here to encourage you!
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This comment made me smile from ear to ear. Thank you so much for all the amazingly sweet words and compliments. And knowing that your husband feels the same way makes me feel even happier! That makes me feel so much more confident about all of this.
I adore your writing! I’m so glad Dan is being supportive. You really have a gift.
Rach (DonutsMama) recently posted..Life’s Lessons: Let’s Go To the Movies!
Thank you so very much Rach! It means so much to me to know that people like what I put down on paper (or… on my virtual paper).