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a blog by Laura O'Rourke

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Sudden Eviction

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The dreams started shortly after we moved into our house.

I heard the doorbell chime and opened the door. He was dressed in a black suit, pressed and proper. He usually wore sunglasses like Will Smith in Men in Black. He was not unkind – just cold and matter-of-fact.

“I’m sorry ma’am, there’s been a mistake. You don’t live here.”

We didn’t live there; we were going to have to leave. He’d then say that we had 24 hours – sometimes forty eight. Then we had to get out of the house that the bank and realtors and lawyers said was ours – but apparently really wasn’t.

We had closed the sale and packed our boxes and moved from our rental. Captain Alpha still talks about moving day; he was three at the time. He says that driving down the highway, following the rental truck that contained all our worldly goods is one of his first real memories.

It wasn’t love at first sight. I liked it, but it wasn’t my dream house. I saw the faults clearly.

The vinyl on the kitchen floor was cut and glued in places and did not match the counter tops. The walls upstairs were stucco, fashionable when the house was built in the 1970s. The enormous mantle was a bit of an eyesore. The appliances were old – after we moved in we discovered that the fridge handle was being held on with electrical tape.

But there was a finished basement with a big play space and an extra bedroom we could use for an office. There were more kitchen cupboards than I had ever had, ready to fill. There was hardwood upstairs and no carpet, a big backyard, and it was close to schools and parks and a lake. It was bright and homey.

I pictured puttering away at the projects. We would choose paint colours and update one room at a time. We would put our stamp on it. And we would fill the closets and the cupboards. And those four walls would hold us and protect us and reflect us as we grew. I could see it all.

Buying a house was capital B I G – BIG. And big moments have a way of being tinged with impossibility, unreality.

It didn’t feel like it was ours – hence my day and night dreams of sudden eviction starring the man in black.

Were we ready for this? Was this the right time? Had we made the right decision? Was this the right place for us?

Time passed, and my dreams opened the door to the man in black less frequently. As it always does, unreality made way for reality; we made our mark on our house.

We fell into a routine of payments and schedules. The laundry started piling up and crumbs littered the floor. We had morning rushes and evening crashes after mid-afternoon lulls. Toys bumped walls, paint and stucco were chipped, chairs scraped the floor. The fridge handle was taped again. Eventually we replaced the fridge, and over time, every other appliance.

And our house made its mark on us. My fear made way for stability and contentment – and growth, when we brought Captain Bravo home four years ago.

Our home is ours – and I am pretty sure that not even a man in black’s memory-erasing “flashy thing” could make us forget the memories we have made here.

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    • Thank you so much for being here Kim! I love the perspective you brought. As you know, I’m feeling this very same thing. I stepped out of my shower last night still wondering if this was really *my* home. My bathroom is laid out similar (and backwards) to my the bathroom in my parent’s house. So it is especially when I am in that room that I have to pinch myself. This could all be a dream still.

      This is a lovely post, and I am honoured to host it here. Thanks again!

    • It was strange to experience it; it seemed so real! I even told my family about it, I was having the dream so often. I was so happy to be in our new house, but it seemed so surreal that I guess I thought there must have been some mistake!
      We have been here 5 years now, and we have definitely made our mark on it – it is ours, for sure! :)
      Kim@Co-Pilot Mom recently posted..Sudden Eviction – Guest Post at Mommy MiraclesMy Profile

  4. Aw!! You have truly made your house a home. That is the best feeling in the world!! (And the next best is replacing your popcorn ceiling with normal ceiling which is what we had to do in our first house.) –Lisa

  5. I love when “like” turned to “love” at my house. We’ve been here a year and a half, but it did take a year for me to stop thinking about our old house. That was the place we brought Scarlet home to, so it was hard to let go of. And here, is the place we brought Des home to, where Scarlet first welcomed him in with a pitchy song. Now there’s a garden and projects galore and we think about what we’d do if we won the lottery..lots of things…but in some ways, we have already won.
    Tamara recently posted..We Made Our Own Blogging Convention!My Profile

    • It is hard to let go of special places. I had the same thoughts about the house we rented before when we moved because, even though we didn’t own it, we were happy there. I know what you mean about winning – we talk about dreams for improvement of our house, too. But in the end any changes we make will never be as important as the memories we make here. :)
      Kim@Co-Pilot Mom recently posted..Sudden Eviction – Guest Post at Mommy MiraclesMy Profile

  6. I’m glad that dream went away. For a long time after I graduated high school I would have a nightmare of someone calling me to tell me it was all a mistake and that I had to go back and take more classes. How’s that for scary?
    Jennifer recently posted..DownloadMy Profile

  7. A home is really ours when we learn to love all the little “faults” it has. When there is a story behind every scrape, nick or stain. Because it’s not about the actual 4 walls and a roof, it’s about the memories created within the walls that make you fall in love with your home.
    Leah Davidson recently posted..Terms of EndearmentMy Profile

  9. Beautiful! Our homes really are a reflection of our families, aren’t they? Messy and crazy and loving and warm. You captured it perfectly, what it means to have a home of your own.
    Andrea recently posted..Bad TimingMy Profile

  11. It is those little things that help you settle in and really make it feel like home. It took me a while to feel that here, where we are now because I do not consider this state or city my true “home”. However, it really is where you family lives together, where all the life resides no matter the geography.

  12. It is a great feeling when you add those little touches that make a house your home! Would you believe I have been in the same house all but one year of my married life (we rented the first year)? My family moved so much when I was growing up and I always hated starting over in a new place. Our children don’t know what that is like. They have friends still from when they were in diapers. :)
    Michelle recently posted..When Do Online Friendships become “Real Life” Ones?My Profile

  14. Oh Kim, I love this so very much! I love this line: “And those four walls would hold us and protect us and reflect us as we grew.”

    My husband I bought our first home not quite a year ago. And it’s just us so far. But I felt and feel this same way, that these four walls will shelter us as we grow and one day become a family. Sometimes I still want to pinch myself, because I can’t believe this is home. It’s not perfect, but we are starting to create those memories.

    Beautiful post!
    Stevie recently posted..Getting Back to JoyMy Profile

    • I felt that “pinch me I am dreaming” feeling for a while after we moved in. It is amazing how our homes change in our eyes as we grow in them, isn’t it? I have no doubt that you make some lovely memories in your house in the years to come.
      Kim@Co-Pilot Mom recently posted..Slipping AwayMy Profile

  15. oh wow! what a dream! when we moved into our last home, I like you, saw the faults clearly. How could I not? The place was pretty uninhabitable. Complete gut and remodel. We lived with my inlaws for 5 months while Mitchell did most of the work. Back then we just had 1 baby, so it wasn’t so bad. I think that’s probably why it was hard for me to leave that place–even though I’d always planned to move on from it eventually. You put your heart and soul into something, make it your own, and it’s just special. I know that even though we’re building new now–not everything will be perfect. Nothing ever is. But I am so okay with that. Perfection is too stressful. I’m not into like I was years and years ago.

    • We do put so much of our hearts into our homes; when we put down roots and make memories – it is hard to say goodbye. I know your new home will be special too, if not perfect. I am not into perfection as much anymore, either – imperfect is more interesting, anyway.
      Kim@Co-Pilot Mom recently posted..Slipping AwayMy Profile

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