It’s safe to say that this series has been great! So many sweet and funny posts touching on the love aspects of marriage. They’ve covered what I thought I’d talk about so I’m going a different route, a ranty route.
I’ve been lucky in marriage. Why? Because I got married young. And you know what weddings are like when you’re in your early 20s? They are a lot of things but definitely not as elaborate as they are now, in my 30s. I was the first of my friends to get married and so I really didn’t know what I was doing. All I knew was that I wanted to get my family and his family together in one place and have a big party. And we did. Did I hire a wedding planner? A what? Exactly.
For years after I got married I worked for my mom at a wedding show. For years I witnessed brides-to-be coming to the show with a girlfriend or their mom, excited to find out about dresses and photographers and honeymoon destinations. I witnessed bridezillas storming around, leaving trail of stunned and bewildered bystanders in their wake. I learned about wedding planners, and all about the details that go into the big day, wondering how I ever got along without the millions of things that brides care about. People spend so much on their weddings it blows my mind.
I want to shake people by the shoulders and tell them to save their money. No one is going to remember what flowers you chose or what earrings you wore. Your wedding may be the start to your marriage, but what really deserves attention (and your time and money and effort), is your relationship. Go for the grocery store flowers (I did!) and spend a bit more on your honeymoon where you have a chance to really connect with your partner.
‘But I do connect with my partner’, you cry. You do. You’re in love. You’re getting married. Guess what? That lusty, honeymoon phase doesn’t last long. Your wedding will soon be a thing you think of every now and then, with pictures you pull out once a year, and a video you never watch. I don’t think it’s possible to live with someone, to deal with bills and chores and the every day things that have to get done, and keep that lusty spark alive. And once you add kids to the mix, all bets are off.
It’s okay to have bad days, to have weeks where you don’t connect with your partner. It’s okay to not live happily ever after every day. And it’s okay to admit it, to seek help.
I’m well out of the honeymoon phase and the lusty spark is a thing of the past, but I can tell you that I’m lucky. Somehow, at the age of 20 I met the perfect person for me. And when we got married at 22 and 23, without really knowing what we were doing or what we were getting in to, we jumped and never looked back. I don’t regret my wedding for one second, grocery store flowers and all, and hardly any day of my marriage is perfect, but I got my fairy tale ending.
I couldn’t agree more, Kamerine.
We didn’t have a wedding. It’s never been important to us.
I think many couples planning their wedding, don’t really think about what comes after the ‘big day’. When brides/ grooms say, “This is the best day of my life,”, I want to shake them and tell them, no, it’s not, it’s just the first day of what matters. THIS, is just the bling. It’s nothing.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks so. :)
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I’m glad *I’m* not the only one who thinks so! Weddings can be beautiful and meaningful but can also be so over-the-top and expensive. Your relationship matters.
Life of K recently posted..Usborne books are pretty awesome
We would do SO MUCH differently if we were getting married again. We’d probably elope and just have a quiet, small get together on a beach down south and then focus on our honeymoon. Or, I would have done so much less – a light brunch or barbecue instead of a reception. There are so many expectations around weddings these days that everyone – young and older couples – are getting caught up in it.
Thank you so much for sharing your opinion here today, Kamerine, and I completely agree! I think that the wedding was once supposed to be a coming together of family and friends to celebrate a coming together of two people, but now it is a chance to one-up and go above and beyond and stress and provide a good party for the people we know. The marriage is what is continually important, on the wedding day and every day after.
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Thanks for having me, Laura!
It’s funny what some time and perspective does to our thoughts… what we’d do differently if we could do it again. I would change some things about my wedding, but at the time I didn’t know any better :)
Life of K recently posted..Usborne books are pretty awesome
Yes! Yes! Yes! A thousand times yes! This is exactly what I have said for years.
I used to joke about wanting an “engagement car” because everyone spends so much on a diamond ring. I am practical (perhaps to a fault) and always have been.
In the end I got a rock! Yup. An actual rock in a pretty wooden box. Soulmate? Your darn tootin’! :D
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A rock?! That’s funny (and cute, and meaningful)! I don’t even wear my engagement ring anymore….
Life of K recently posted..Usborne books are pretty awesome
We got married at 26 and 28 and we still look back at our wedding day as one of the best days of our life! We chose the flowers out of the garden, and had a rockin’ party in a barn. And you’re right about saving your time, money and effort for your relationship :) It’s so worth it!!
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It’s about the party and the memories. I just believe that weddings don’t have to be as elaborate or expensive as they are now.
Life of K recently posted..Usborne books are pretty awesome
Totally with you on this. WAY too many people spend so much time focused on a single day, that they don’t ever stop to look ahead at what’s coming down the road.
I just got married for the second time last year (I was 39, he was 41). We had a simple, fun celebration and didn’t fall into the trap of what a wedding is “supposed” to be. We did what we wanted! And I’m so glad that we did.
I remember distinctly waking up the next morning and thinking to myself, “Alright. This is IT. This is when the real work begins.” :-)
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What was your first wedding like, Momma Sunshine?
Marriage IS work. You are absolutely right.
Life of K recently posted..Usborne books are pretty awesome
My husband and I met at 21 and 22. I know we are lucky to have met young. We have grown up together in so many ways and it makes our day to day life easier. I agree about the wedding craziness. I too was marriage pre-Pinterest and as much as I love some of the new trends I’m glad I didn’t have that pressure. The wedding is one day. I think people lose sight of that and forgot that it’s the beginning of a life together.
There’s something really romantic about a couple who marries young and grows up and learns how to do life together. It’s what you did, and my parents too, and us (though we were just a few years older than you, at 26). I wouldn’t have it any other way.
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