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The 4 H’s Of A Relatively Successful Marriage

Guest Post on Mommy Miracles

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“If you don’t stop obsessing, and talking about your weight and diet, I swear to God, I’m going to punch you in the face,” I glared at my husband.

“I’m trying to lose it all before the twins are born, so I can be fit and healthy. Four kids, remember?”

“Oh…… but can you do it quietly?”

“No. It’s fun that it winds you up, heh.”

Then, we had *sex.

There you have it, the 4 H’s of our fairly successful marriage (so far). Nearly 7 years in (and over a decade together), my husband and I have worked out what keeps things fresh and sorta happy (hey, we’re not perfect).

Honesty, Humour, Humility and Humping (that’s ‘sex’ for you folks who do not indulge in this particular colloquialism. Oh hey, you can substitute that with Horniness, I guess).

*No, that last part didn’t happen that particular day.

Here’s a handy (ooh, another H!) guideline to the 4 H’s, should you feel the need to spice things up (or just because you really like me and my words).

Honesty: The truth has always worked for my husband and I. One thing I really like and love about him is this – he will tell me what he thinks, regardless of how I may feel about what he has to say. Because it means I listen, I pay attention. He’s a verbal diarrhearist (totally a word), but he makes all his words count. I grew up in a family where we didn’t really talk about ‘things’, so a lot of guesswork was involved when it came to emotional intelligence. Let’s just say, I didn’t always pass the test, and people’s feelings got hurt. With my husband, honesty always works for us. We may spar, fight, disagree, roll our eyes, or agree lovingly, but we always know where the other person stands. No guesswork, no walking around on eggshells. We just say it.

Humour: When we were just friends and on the cusp of dating (as in, we spent a lot of time together, just the two of us, but lord no, we weren’t DATING), I made the mistake of telling him how that little girl in the movie, The Ring, creeps me out with her long hair over her face, and when she crawls out of the television (just writing this is giving me the heebie jeebies). I also confessed to him my obsession with CSI, the TV series. A week later, he gave me a CD full of CSI episodes so I could binge-watch on the weekend. Excited, I settled myself down to a Saturday night of just me and Grissom, in a darkened living room (my rental place’s light had busted and I didn’t get it fixed, what?). Five minutes into the show, there was a pause. Then a slideshow of fuzzy kittens started (I also told him how much I love fuzzy kittens). I was a little suspicious, but quickly got distracted by the cuteness bursting forth from my screen. Until Creepy Girl from The Ring also burst forth. He had inserted a clip from the movie, right into my show. Just to creep me out and because he thought it was the funniest thing. In retrospect, it was funny. It was also a little mean, but mostly hilarious. Throughout out early courtship days, he scared me a few more times with the Creepy Girl, all in good fun. Since then, we’ve invented our own little language and gestures, and a gazillion inside jokes. We still laugh daily.

That's us!

That’s us!

Humility: My husband is very good at his job. I can’t tell you what it is or how he’s good at it, not because it’s top secret, but because it’s all very techy and I’m not very techy. He builds systems and stuff, using lines of code (see, did I just put you to sleep?). But the man is humble, he doesn’t brag. He doesn’t tell people that he builds these things from scratch, sitting around in his boxers, eating Cheetos (pre-diet days, obviously. These days, he snacks on air), sometimes, overnight, and then sells them to multinational corporations (but hey, now I’ve gone to tell the world, oops). However, he recognizes that all the little things I do around the house matters, even though it’s nothing as important as running a company. He’s proud of me. And that’s humbling.

Humping: Let’s not beat around the bush – sex matters in a marriage. How much, how often, or just how – well, that’s up to you. Just do it.

Writing Vows

Reader Interactions

Comments

    • Alison, thank you so much for being here! I’m honoured to host your words. This post is so true and so funny! I’m really glad you and your handsome hubby have settled into this rhythm.

    • We would have such a blast! Come hang with us. Bring your sweet ones with ya! (sometimes I wonder what our husbands think we know about their jobs)

  4. Those are good H’s! Though I may never have recovered from Creepy Girl spliced into something when I wasn’t expecting it. I have heart palpitations just thinking about it.

  8. Alison, I love this! I laughed at the “It’s fun when it winds you up.” I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been the victim of my husband having fun winding me up:). My guy also has a similar profession and I don’t get it – at all.

    Great advice, and I agree whole heartedly.

  13. Super funny because it’s true! Hubs and I have been together since we were teenagers and we definitely wouldn’t have made it without the four “h”s – all in different amounts at different times.
    Thanks for a great read.
    Charlotte @ Pirate Monkey Mama recently posted..Kitchen ConfessionMy Profile

    • Yes, definitely in different amounts at different times! That’s the *real* secret :)
      Thanks for reading, Charlotte!

  15. So honest, so down to earth, so Alison.

    I love her advice and believe every word!! Although I hate the word humping.

    Great series, can’t wait to read more.
    Tonya recently posted..Under A Shady TreeMy Profile

    • I am not a fan either, but it was the best I could come up with to make it 4 H’s ;) Thanks for reading, Tonya!

    • This was fun to write! (and thanks for the advice on just including that conversation I had with the husband)

  17. It’s fabulous that there are so many words for sex, so you can find a good “H” one. And it’s fabulous that you included it!
    These are brilliant. We’re one year behind you at six and I’m still figuring things out. I guess that’s the way.
    Tamara recently posted..One Small Voice.My Profile

    • We are still figuring many things out in year 7!
      And yes, I’m not a big fan of the word humping but it fit, so….. :)
      Thanks for reading!

  18. OMG I think we’re married to the same person. We literally can do all of that in one day, and we’ve been married one year longer , so I guess it’s working! Being honest and TALKING is huge (and hard for me sometimes) but marriage is constant work (which sucks) but has great rewards. Just wait until those twins come…it gets even better. Except the humping part since you won’t be sleeping… :-)
    Allie recently posted..FitBloggin’ Conference – In All HonestyMy Profile

    • Marriage is a verb, and that is all. :)
      The twins are already keeping me up and they aren’t even born yet! They get real active at 10pm – what is up with that?

  19. HAHA! Love it. And it’s true, true, true.

    Honesty saves so much time, doesn’t it? And humor makes the hardest bits and boring bits manageable. Humility makes it kinder. And don’t forget the final H! It is absolutely the glue (oh! sorry don’t think too hard on that one!) of our marriage. When things get hard or communication gets broken down we can always connect physically, totally defrag and reboot (also a techie!) in other words, it allows us to de-stress and start over again. It allows us to touch and snuggle when we can’t agree on anything, when we’re just tapped out emotionally from life.

  20. Beautifully written. I love your sense of humor. I found your blog yesterday and will be blog-stalking you – but not in that creepy way! The 4 Hs are so spot on – marriage is work and requires attention – but always with a smile on your face and a good sense of humor. BTW – why do husbands always think that during pregnancy is the best time for THEM to diet?!

    • I love non-creepy blog stalkers! :) And thank you.
      Yes, what is it with husbands and them deciding to lose weight when their wives are gaining? Bah.
      Thank you for reading, Tove!

  21. I love your 4 H’s and I loved getting to see you and your husbands sense of humor. That thing with the ring girl popping up during your show would have scared the crap out of me.
    Julia recently posted..Like Riding a BikeMy Profile

  22. I love Alison and your husband is hilarious. I also made the mistake of sharing my fears with my husband during courtship and they continue to be exploited. But editing a dvd? HAHA! Too good. Love the snack on air comment…lol When I was pregnant I felt like everyone around me was losing weight and I was gaining it. The last thing I wanted to hear was how successful someone’s diet was going, I feel ya! <3! LOVED this post
    Rebecca recently posted..All Things Dylan, All Things CrazyMy Profile

  23. Your voice keeps getting stronger, and more you. I can recognize your style anywhere. While I appreciate marriage advice, who doesn’t, what’s exciting to me is seeing the evolution of Alison.

  27. I love having this sneak peek into what makes your marriage work, Alison! You both have fantastic senses of humor, which I appreciate. Also I’m in love with your silly picture. xo
    Andrea recently posted..Hold It, NowMy Profile

  29. That photo! Ha! Love it!

    Theses are definitely some important H words in marriage. Love the insight this gives into your marriage. Keep it up you two!

  31. This is fantastic, Alison! This year marked our 8th year of marriage, so yeah, I’ve learned that all four h’s are a must in a healthy marriage. Congrats on 7 years!

  32. I commented from my stupid phone the day this posted and, of course, it’s not here. I loved this post! and I love that you laugh together. I believe that’s the key ingredient in my marriage. We act like dorks together and it’s OK. If I couldn’t laugh with him until my sides hurt, I’d never make it. Laughter just makes everything better!
    Adrienne recently posted..Quit Mistaking My Son For a GirlMy Profile

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