People keep asking me how I’m feeling and I keep having to remind myself why they’re asking.
Oh right. I’m pregnant.
Pregnancy is almost a non-event the third time around. (Or, at least, being 13 weeks pregnant as a Mama of two makes it a non-event). I’m out of the nauseous stage and even starting to regain a very small amount of energy. My clothes don’t fit, but I’m not massive, and all my brain-power is going to the two little monsters already destroying my house. So these days, I have to be reminded that I’m pregnant.
I remember when I was first pregnant with Cameron, my pregnancy was all that I could think about. I would serve tables at my waitressing job and I would want to scream at the patrons “HI! How are you tonight? I’ll be your server AND I’M PREGNANT!” Everything in my life required a pregnant footnote. It was so new, so important, so all-consuming.
With Gavin, I fretted over the viability of the pregnancy. I had lost two before him. I tried not to get attached while paying attention to every little signal my body gave off. When the pregnancy advanced and I could let go of a few months of held-breaths, I found myself feeling guilty that I couldn’t consume myself with the pregnancy. My toddler at home demanded my attention. I wondered if my second baby would always play second-fiddle to his older brother. I wondered whether I could possibly love more than one.
Now, I don’t have the time or the energy to be all-consumed or full of guilt.
The doctor keeps asking me if I have any concerns or questions. At this point, I almost feel like I should make something up. “No. No questions. No concerns.” This is my fifth pregnancy. I know when things are going wrong, and things aren’t going wrong.
We heard the heartbeat on Wednesday. After listening to static and my heartbeat and more static, we finally heard it – the quick thump thump thump thump that assures you, without a shadow of a doubt, that there is life. There was no confusion, like I felt with my first pregnancy. No fear, like I felt with my fourth after two miscarriages. “Don’t worry. Heartbeats are hard to find this early” my doctor told me. “I know,” I said. And I did.
I only took one pregnancy test this time. I took it later than I normally would, because I didn’t believe I was pregnant. There were no symptoms and the timing did not lead me to believe anything would be unusual. By the time I found out, I was nearly five weeks along already. I didn’t need multiple tests to confirm. I didn’t need to pee on a stick around 10 weeks to reassure myself that I was still pregnant. Symptoms or none, I was definitely pregnant.
But then, there it was: The heartbeat. I couldn’t help smiling. This pregnancy that I know about and often forget about and am kind of scared about (because babies are change and change is hard) is tangible and real and happening. This isn’t just a pregnancy. This is our next family member.
Pregnancy announcements are hard. I want to do something big and special, but I also don’t. Our family is changing and growing and shifting and that deserves to be celebrated, but I’ve done this before, time and time again, baby after baby, and now after baby. I’m a pro, and yet this time will be different, like every time was. This baby will be unique, like my first babies are.
Or, maybe I’m not a pro. A close look at my daily life would show how very un-professional I am at all of this. But maybe this is just my normal: Motherhood – from pregnancy on. I’m don’t feel comfortable making it a big thing (or hiding it until it is a big thing) because I feel like this is just what I’ve been doing for the last five years. Having babies and raising babies and finding myself somewhere in between.
So this is my news: I’m pregnant. Again. I’ve made it through the first trimester. And my family, my beautiful family of four, is soon going to be a family of five.
Congratulations, I am so excited for your growing pregnancy!
I know what you mean about big yet normal news. It’s a big deal, yes, but it’s almost like, oh yes, I’m pregnant. But life goes on. Life moves whether or not we’re pregnant. And it’s not always the biggest deal in the room (even though my belly feels like the biggest *thing* in the room).
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And I meant ‘growing family’, OMG. :)
Bahaha! Hilarious! I think “growing pregnancy” might be appropriate for me anyway.
Congratulations! I am so happy for you!
I found being pregnant with my youngest a completely different experience from the first time around. And there was definitely less uncertainty, having been through it all before.
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I’m so happy for you!!!! xoxoxoxo
tracy@sellabitmum recently posted..12 Signs That You Are Menopausal
Congrats!! I think I heard somewhere that you can only call yourself an expert on parenting the day your kids start having kids haha but I’m sure you’ve got the pregnancy thing down by now. I loved this announcement and I’m excited for you!
Amanda @ Diary of a Swmi-Health Nut recently posted..How to Modify in a Group Fitness Class + Winner!
Congrats girl! It’s amazing how it changes since your first pregnancy. And you are a pro now! :) Hoping for an easy and enjoyable pregnancy! :)
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I’m so happy for y’all! And I think that is a really great attitude you have there. Good for you.
Jennifer recently posted..Splish, Splash, Summer – Happy Mama Movement
Congrats! Second and third pregnancies are so different. I remember reading SO much about everything in my first – granted there were 2 in there, so it was a different ballgame – but the second time around I didn’t even read any of the emails that came telling me what was going on in my pregnancy. All I cared about was that there would be a baby at the end, and I couldn’t wait to be able to move around normally again. :) Pregnancy is not my best state.
Great news, my friend – I’m so happy for you! And I think it’s going to be a girl ;)
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I love this post. You always write so beautifully. I have 3 children and have had 4 pregnancies. Every pregnancy was different. And by the time I had my third child I was so much more relaxed than I was with my first. Congratulations on your pregnancy and your growing family. xo
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What a great post, Laura. I can feel your confidence and hushed excitement in these words. You’ve got this, and I can’t wait to hear all about how you’re doing as you progress. xoxo
YAY BABY!!! I am so excited for you!!
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I’m so, so, so excited for you guys. You know I’ve been waiting for this news since we went to Disney World! xoxo
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Haha! I’m glad I could make all your dreams come true. (ps: I miss Disney)
I’m so happy for you!!!! And your next family member!!!!
Angela Youngblood recently posted..We’re In This Together
This is beyond wonderful- and your littlest kiddo is already so, so loved. :)
Oh congratulations! I think it’s my first time here at your space but I’m going to ignore the awkwardness of congratulating you when I don’t know you so well yet and just say yay so happy for you! I know that feeling of having to be reminded that you’re pregnant. Happened to me with my second (probably because we put our house on the market at about the same time we found out about him). Pregnancy is such a lovely, beautiful (and crazy) time (as you know) and I wish you all the best!!
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You look just lovely, and I love seeing you happy, calm, and so very zen about your newest family member. Congratulations!
Congratulations! You look beautiful in that picture too!
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Congratulations to you and your growing family! From my experience, as a mom of 5, I can tell you, you never become an expert. You may have times when you feel like you are, but there are curve balls thrown at you at others. Go with the flow. Enjoy your kids, cherish your unborn baby, and always search for the sweet things that keep you happy. Best wishes!
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